


breakable heaven

by angstonly



Series: breakable heaven [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Magical Realism, Pining, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:53:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28255737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstonly/pseuds/angstonly
Summary: never make a witch cry. misfortune will follow you after. it's the will of the universe. so when donghyuck cries over jeno and mark getting together over the summer, it's only a matter of time until things turn to absolute shit.a witch, a werewolf, and a water bender's perilous journey toward love and happiness.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno/Mark Lee, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: breakable heaven [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2094822
Comments: 20
Kudos: 74
Collections: the misfits' holiday exchange





	breakable heaven

**Author's Note:**

  * For [baridalive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/baridalive/gifts).



> dearest lil,  
> i'm sure you already know who this is based on the tags alone. i love you so much and i hope that this fic makes you happy, even if it's incomplete at the moment. i wrote every word with you in mind. i can't wait to hear your thoughts!
> 
> note: i'm probably going to update the tags as i update the chapters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck feels like his heart is about to rip itself apart, the image of them together seared into his brain. It's okay, though. It doesn't matter. He forces a smile despite the ache in his chest and says, "Congratulations! A little offended that neither of you told me you even liked each other, though."

The lights in his hometown feel like they're always shining. He supposes it's what's to be expected from a city of magic.

There's a feeling of warmth whenever he's home, something he doesn't much think of until he comes back and it envelops him, crashes over him like a tidal wave bestowed by the gods. For a powerful place like this, the name _Square_ seems hardly fitting. The contrast might just be part of its charm, though.

Donghyuck lies in his bed, an arm tucked behind his head. High ceilings are adorned by his mother's decorative magic, creating color that depends largely on her mood for the day. Today's ceilings are blue and white, a message to let him know that she's sad about his imminent departure. Having Donghyuck back in Square is a rare occurrence after all.

Jaemin sits in the recliner in the corner of the room, flipping through one of the spellcasting books his father had given him in his childhood. _One day_ , he had said, _you will be skilled enough to learn everything in this book_. Donghyuck isn't quite at that level yet, but he's sure Jaemin is.

"I'm so excited to go back," Donghyuck says, shifting to his side to look at Jaemin. Jaemin looks up from the book, his usual smile on his face. He always looks so serene when he's in the presence of books. It's understandable, though, since books have been his friends ever since he was just a young boy. "It feels like it's been forever since we've been here."

Jaemin hums a quiet song Donghyuck doesn't recognize, flipping to another page. "It probably _has_ been forever in The Capital."

"I just want to see my boys again." Donghyuck flips over to lie down on his stomach, kicking his legs in the air like an upset toddler. He pouts to emphasize his displeasure, elbows propped up on the bed, face on his hands, a loud exhale punctuating the sentiment. "What if they've forgotten all about me already?"

Jaemin laughs softly as he closes the book, returning it to his shelf. For someone as powerful as him, Donghyuck finds it curious how he never frivolously uses his magic. So many people on earth have mistaken him for human because of this. When he brought it up, Jaemin just chuckled and said, _That's cute_.

"You're so whipped," Jaemin says, returning to his seat, crossing one leg over the other. "They're not going to forget you _that_ quickly. Not to mention you're _you_. You wouldn't let them forget even if they tried."

"You saying you don't miss Renjun?" Donghyuck challenges with an eyebrow arched high.

"Nope. He's here."

"What?"

"Boo." Renjun materializes in the empty seat beside Jaemin. Donghyuck screams.

"Bitch, what the fuck?" he yelps, jumping out of his bed. "When the fuck did you—"

Renjun shrugs. "I've been here this entire time. Watching you."

Donghyuck groans, running a hand through his hair. In the years they've known each other, Donghyuck will never get used to Renjun's habit of appearing and disappearing whenever he likes. It always catches him off guard, has his heart leaping to his throat. Jaemin, however, is unfazed. He merely chuckles at his entrance, probably already used to it.

"You never fail to surprise me," Donghyuck says, rolling his eyes. "I'm going to die of a heart attack one of these days, you creepy bitch."

"Ha. As if you would die from something so simple."

"Knowing Donghyuck, he'll more likely die of murder than anything else," Jaemin adds, an amused smile on his face. His expression is brighter now, probably because of Renjun's presence. "Either someone really hates you and wants revenge, or someone just really hates you enough to murder you."

The two of them begin to laugh as Donghyuck huffs out a disgruntled breath. He glares at them, but they've already drifted off into their own world like they usually do. How those two got this close, he'll never truly understand, but Jaemin looks happy and that's all that really matters.

-

"Can't you stay? You should stay." His mom pouts at him, rubbing her cheek against his as she holds him tightly. He's already used to these bone-crushing bear hugs from her, especially when it's time for him to go back to The Capital. "It's so lonely without my baby bear with me."

"I have class, mom," he says, stroking her hair affectionately. She's still pouting at him, but he knows it's out of love. He rarely comes back, and when he does, he's always quick to return to The Capital. He feels bad about it when he thinks about it, especially when she's always been supportive of everything Donghyuck chooses to do. "I'll come back soon, okay?"

"Okay," she says, finally releasing him. "It's fine. I already asked Jaemin and Renjun to look out for you in my stead anyway. If there's anyone I can entrust your life to, it would be Jaemin."

"I can protect myself, thank you very much," Donghyuck retorts with a dissatisfied pout. If he looks in the mirror, he's sure he looks just as his mother did just a minute ago. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree after all. Growing up, he had always been fawned over and told how strikingly similar he is to his parents in their youth.

"That's exactly what he told me too. 'He can protect himself, mommy Lee! I'll take pictures and send them to you instead' is what he told me." She looks over to the corner of the room, and Donghyuck follows her gaze toward Jaemin and Renjun still off in their own little world. "You can never pry those two away from each other, huh? I'm always happy to see Jaemin so animated."

Donghyuck watches them as they talk. He's noticed it a while back, but whenever they're together, there's always space between them. A deliberate distance. Peculiar, in Donghyuck's eyes, for someone like Jaemin who has always been affectionate toward the people around him. It's one of those things that make little sense to him, though there's a lot about Jaemin that's yet to be deciphered to begin with.

Jaemin looks up and meets his gaze, smiling. He's always smiling no matter what, as if he's always free of pain, as if there's not much that bothers him. He's sure Jaemin has his reasons for the distance. Maybe Renjun had asked him to. Thinking back to their beginnings, he supposes it's not unlikely for Renjun to still want distance despite how far they've already come since then.

Donghyuck has known Jaemin for most of his life, and he still doesn't quite know how to fully read him. It's a common thought among all of their friends—is there anyone who can truly understand the inner machinations of Jaemin's entire being? Is there anyone who knows Jaemin, _sees_ Jaemin beyond what he decides to project to the world? Donghyuck hopes there is, hopes that Renjun can provide him the same comfort that Mark and Jeno give him. Jaemin deserves nothing but the best.

He's pulled out of his thoughts when his father walks in, as intimidating and imposing as ever. The noise outside has died down because of his arrival. It's always like this whenever he shows up anywhere. Donghyuck finds it kind of funny.

Grand Master Lee, the head of The Council of High Elders, the most powerful witch in the realm—he commands attention and respect, and with that also comes understandable fear brought on by his stature. To Donghyuck, though, he's always just going to be a dorky doting dad—even if he's always glaring at the air and scaring everyone around him.

"Yo, gramps!" Jaemin calls out, a bright smile on his face. "Sorry, I mean _uncle_. Hi uncle. With how much you've been frowning, you've aged a thousand years. You still know how to smile, right?"

An eavesdropping housekeeper looks horrified at the greeting. That's how Donghyuck knows she's new, and he can't help but chuckle at the face she's making.

"Jaemin Na…" his father begins. Donghyuck finds himself watching the prying eyes by the door who are afraid of what's to happen. Whatever they were expecting doesn't come, because his father just pouts at him and folds his arms against his chest. "So mean, teasing your second dad like this. How cruel, Nana."

"Since when were you my second dad?" Jaemin raises an eyebrow, but his tone is as teasing as ever. It makes him smile every time he sees Jaemin interacting with his dad. His dad has always treated Jaemin like a son, and he's sure it's contributed to the relationship between Jaemin and Donghyuck now.

"Just call him dad before he starts crying." Donghyuck snorts. His dad uses this opportunity to cling to him, not unlike how his mother was just minutes ago. "Look what you made him do. Now he's not going to let go until it's time to leave."

Jaemin's smile is filled with warmth, his eyes kind as he watches them. Donghyuck feels his heart ache when this happens—when Jaemin watches them like this. So he breaks free from his father's hold to run to Jaemin, wrapping his arms around him.

Jaemin responds by patting him on the head. "There, there. Your parents just miss you a lot when you're not here. You've been on your own for a while now after all. You ought to visit them a little more frequently, you know."

"Save me." Donghyuck sticks his tongue out at his whining parents as Jaemin starts laughing. "Seriously, let's go. They'll never let us leave."

"I don't know about you, but I—"

"No, they look like they're ready to keep you here too, Jaem," says Renjun, who has been quiet for most of this exchange, just silently watching. "They must love you a lot too for them to react this way when you're here."

"Of course!" his dad bellows. "Jaemin is a son to me too! He visits us more than Donghyuck does, actually."

"Listen, I'm busy!" Donghyuck yells back. "I have two idiots to take care of, you know. And they're waiting for me back home so we're leaving! Bye!"

-

He can't believe he's wasted an entire summer being back at Square. Not that he's entirely surprised that he was called back to the coven considering he hasn't been getting as well-rounded of an education as he's supposed to. That's the whole point of his summons, after all. It was less about law and more about his education.

So they called him back for extra classes, supervised by the Grand Master himself.

_We send people to The Capital for a well-rounded education! If you were going to focus on spellcasting, you might as well have stayed home._

Donghyuck sat quietly and listened to him as he continued to scold him. It's not like he's wrong. If mastering his spellcasting was his sole goal, staying in square would absolutely be the most logical choice. He would learn a lot more under his father's tutelage and all the books in the Royal Library than he would living in The Capital if that really were the case.

But it's not. He doesn't care to be Grand Master like everyone expects him to be. He doesn't care to be the most powerful witch of his generation. He never has, not even a little bit. It barely even crosses his mind.

Faces pop into his head, smiling at him, sending warmth all over his body. Donghyuck smiles too, eager to see Mark and Jeno after being away for so long. The teleportation crystal sits comfortably in his hand, emitting a faint glow where it meets the warmth of his skin. His heart is beating so fast from the excitement, the anticipation manifesting as electricity coursing through his veins. He's been ready to return from the moment he arrived.

Jaemin's words echo in his head. _Whipped_.

He can't even deny it. For so long, it's been just the three of them. The three Lee boys, inseparable since childhood, devoted to fulfilling a promise that binds them to a shared future. This is the longest they've been apart since they'd met all those years ago. It's only natural for him to miss them this much, right?

"You ready?" Donghyuck asks Jaemin and Renjun, who have just finished saying their polite goodbyes. Donghyuck kind of wants to push them together. Just a little. He doesn't, though. "Did you go see Jaehyun?"

"He's not home. Said bye to sicheng and the baby, though."

Renjun snorts. "Sicheng had to pry that baby off him. What a doting uncle you are."

"I bet you're going to be to that baby what my dad is to you," says Donghyuck. The idea of a doting Jaemin isn't really far-fetched. He already dotes on his friends anyway.

Jaemin shrugs his shoulders with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eyes. "Probably. I like your dad. He tells me stories about mine." He looks down at the crystal in Donghyuck's hand, raising an eyebrow. "You didn't have to wait for us, you know. You could have just left. We're taking the portal."

"Fuck, I keep forgetting Renjun isn't a witch. Alright then, I'm going."

Renjun rolls his eyes, waving a dismissive hand at him. "Your brain is so full of Mark and Jeno that you barely remember anything that doesn't involve them. I'm not surprised."

Donghyuck grins at him and shrugs, making no effort to rebuff the idea. Why bother when it's true? "Well then, take care on your journey, my dearest friends. I'm off to see my boys."

"Whipped." Donghyuck hears them both say right as the glow of the crystal begins to grow, light slowly wrapping itself around Donghyuck's body. He smiles, bracing himself for travel.

Teleporting is his favorite method of traveling. It's an odd feeling at first, as though you're losing control of your body, like it's no longer yours and you feel absolutely _nothing_. Then the comfort settles in, the feeling of being weightless, the calm of the warm white light that becomes one with your body.

He has Jaemin to thank for teaching him how to travel comfortably. Back when he had first begun using it, it was always incredibly taxing on his body. His muscles would ache, his head hazy and dizzy, and he would require rest after each travel before he could easily move again.

 _The trick,_ Jaemin had told him, _is to surrender yourself to the light_. _Let go of your consciousness and let the light carry you._

 _That sounds like something someone would say about dying_ , Donghyuck responded. He figured it was just one of those things Jaemin says—he's always had a penchant for saying things that others find odd. But when he actually tried it, it worked.

That was when Donghyuck decided to never again doubt Jaemin's advice, especially when it comes to magic. Between the two of them, Jaemin's closer to being a master than he is.

When he materializes back in their shared apartment, what greets him is a sight he never would have expected. On the couch is Jeno, hair disheveled, top slightly undone. Mark sits straddling his lap, Jeno's hand under his shirt and up his back, panting with his arms around Jeno's neck.

"I-I'm home…" Donghyuck weakly says, his heart hammering against his ribcage. What is this? What is he looking at? When did this happen?

Mark jumps off in an obvious panic, his eyes wide, mouth hanging agape. "H-hey, Hyuck. You're back! Um, about, uh, this… We, um—It's really, um—"

Donghyuck feels like his heart is about to rip itself apart, the image of them together seared into his brain. It's okay, though. It doesn't matter. He forces a smile despite the ache in his chest and says, "Congratulations! A little offended that neither of you told me you even liked each other, though."

Yes, this is right. This is what must be done. The way Mark and Jeno looks so relieved by his reaction only reassures him that supporting them is the right thing to do. Besides, they're his best friends. He loves them both so much that he _does_ support them. He does. Of course, he does.

What kind of horrible friend would he be if he didn't, right?

-

"We didn't mean for you to find out this way, really," Mark says as they sit at the dinner table, takeout prepared for Donghyuck's return home. Mark hands him a plate of fried rice, eyes round and filled with guilt. "We were going to tell you as soon as you got back."

Donghyuck laughs, ignoring the way his stomach is churning. He doesn't really feel like eating, but he knows he should. Mark and Jeno keep looking at him with those looks in their eyes—the same ones that Donghyuck hates to see. Worry. They're unquestionably worried. If he refuses to eat, he's sure they wouldn't be able to rest easily tonight.

"Hey, you kind of did," he quips, shoving a spoonful of rice into his mouth. He hopes his tone is lighthearted enough.

"I know, but like, with _words_ ," Mark replies, watching him closely. "Like tell you the story and all that stuff. Not, like, have you witness, um, _that_."

"It's fine," Donghyuck says with his mouth still full. "I mean, if you were going to date anyone, I'm glad it's each other. I wouldn't have approved of anyone else anyway. So really, it's fine. We're good. You guys are my best friends. I support you."

"This doesn't change anything, Hyuck," Jeno says, reaching over to take his hand in his, and it burns. Donghyuck wishes he didn't do that. Not now, at least. He doesn't move, though. Moving would make it seem like something's wrong. There isn't. "It'll always be us three, okay? We've been a trio since forever ago, and that's not going to change. Mark and I talked about it—the three of us always takes precedence over anything else."

Donghyuck wants to believe it. He really does. Deep down, though, it's unrealistic to think that absolutely nothing will change. Romantic relationships are different from platonic friendships. The demands, the expectations—all of it is different. They say that them as a trio is at a higher priority, but is it really? Maybe now, yes, but he's seen how these kinds of things play out.

He's seen it all before—the dwindling friendships once romantic relationships begin to bloom and blossom. The world becomes confined to whomever is in that partnership, and it will slowly become them and him. Mark and Jeno. And Donghyuck.

He knows that it was never unlikely that he'd have to part with his best friends, that they'd eventually seek love and leave Donghyuck to himself. He just didn't think it would be this soon or that he'd lose them to… each other. He wanted more time to prepare his heart for its impending destruction, to take the necessary preparations to best avoid harm.

After dinner, he excuses himself, tells them a fib about being tired and needing to rest. They encourage him to go sleep, tell him that they'll take care of cleaning up.

So he lies in bed, gaze affixed to the ceiling. It's much lower than in his house in Square, dull white a contrast to the glowing periwinkle blue he left earlier that day. He waves his hand, watches pale blue spark from his fingers and toward the ceiling. From where it hits, blue begins to spread until the entire ceiling is colored.

Mark and Jeno. Jeno and Mark.

They're in love. They've been in love, and Donghyuck didn't even know. Never even realized. He laughs bitterly, shielding his eyes with his arm. For someone who's looked at them both since childhood, loved them both for as long as he has, he was a fool not to see it.

Or perhaps he _had_ seen it and had chosen to ignore it in favor of deluding himself that they would always stay just the three of them, that he wouldn't have to let go of them and watch them fall in love without him. What a selfish little witch he is.

He feels a lump beginning to form in his throat, his eyes watering.

Fuck. _Fuck._ No, he can't cry. He absolutely cannot cry, especially not now, not when he had just returned.

"This is bad," he mutters under his breath, willing his tears to go away. "Fuck. Fuck, I can't—It won't—Shit, I can't—"

He waves his hand again, a dazzling yellow light enveloping his hand before disappearing into thin air. Almost as soon as it disappears, Jaemin materializes in his room, eyes wide at the sight of him.

"Nana…" he whispers, voice shaky and broken.

"Oh no."

"Nana, I can't—They won't—"

Jaemin walks over in a hurry and wraps his arms around him. He tries to calm him, tries to speak soothing words, tries to distract him as best as he can.

But it's no use.

Donghyuck's tears fall, and he hates himself for it.

-

Jaemin sits on his bed as he tells him about what had happened—about Mark and Jeno and how they've decided to pursue each other, how they've been in love all this time. He tells him about what he saw as soon as he came back, about how much he tried not to let it show that it _hurt_.

"Duckie, you have to go back to Square," Jaemin tells him. "You know how much destruction our tears can cause. You know how it starts with whoever caused your tears in the first place. This could get really bad for Mark and Jeno. I'll go back with you if you need me to."

"No," he says firmly, his face stiff from dried tears. "No, I'm not going to. This is a one-time thing. I'll get over it. I have to. It's fine."

"Donghyuck…"

"Really, I can—I can do this. I have emotion regulation classes this semester. I'll be able to keep myself calm to make sure that nothing hurts them. I can do it, Jaemin. We'll be fine. It's the three of us after all. We always make it out okay in the end."

Jaemin stares at him with his eyebrows pinched together, reasonable concern written all over his face. Donghyuck knows that he would be acting similarly if it were the other way around—if it were Jaemin to have shed tears and risk hurting the ones around him. Not that it would ever happen to Jaemin, who has mastery of skills that Donghyuck only wishes for.

"I'll—We'll be okay," he says one more time, smiling at him as though this would be enough to prove his point.

Jaemin sighs. Seeing Jaemin without his usual smile on his face is odd, but it's expected given the circumstances. He knows better than anyone how destructive a witch's tears can be, even more so Donghyuck's, who is considered more powerful than regular witches.

After a long moment of silence, Jaemin finally speaks. "Okay."

"Okay?" Donghyuck echoes, blinking at him with wide, hopeful eyes. "You won't report me to The Council?"

"I only saw tears." Jaemin offers him a smile, his hand moving to pat him on the head. Relief washes over him as he expels a breath. "The Mandate requires reports after witnessing destruction. I only saw tears."

"Nana…"

"I don't have to say anything _yet_ ," Jaemin says, face again serious as he looks into Donghyuck's eyes. "but I still have a duty to protect. If there comes a time that I absolutely must, I _will_ send a report. You understand that, right?"

"Yes, I understand." He nods slowly, knowing that Jaemin takes these things seriously. If it were anyone other than Donghyuck, he would have been sent home already. It's too much of a risk after all.

This is Jaemin's way of saying he trusts Donghyuck, trusts that he can do what he says he can. But if it comes to it, if it proves to be a losing battle, Jaemin will step in and do what he must.

Jaemin smiles again, kindness on his face, warm and comforting as Jaemin urges him to rest. He tucks Donghyuck into bed, whispers reassurances that he's a message away if he needs him.

"Get some rest, Duckie." Jaemin leans in to press a kiss to his forehead as his eyes close. Warmth spreads all over his body as he sees a flash behind his eyelids. A spell from Jaemin to calm him for the night, to ease his heart and allow him sleep.

"Thank you, Nana," he whispers. He doesn't have to open his eyes to know that Jaemin is responding to him with a smile.

When he feels Jaemin's presence disappear, he allows himself to give into whatever magic Jaemin had cast for him, allows himself to drift and fall asleep.

-

He dreams of a waterfall in the outskirts of The Capital.

He, Mark, and Jeno used to play there a lot when they were younger, much to the dismay of their caretakers. It was within the boundaries of Mark's hometown—a water-bender city filled with so much breathtaking nature, concealed by the water spirits to appear only before those with kindness in their hearts, those with the purest intentions.

The elders of town were worried when Mark had first said he was bringing him and Jeno. Not so much for Donghyuck, but for the little werewolf boy Jeno who they still saw as a threat. Jeno offered to stay behind, to wait back in The Capital until Donghyuck and Mark had finished their fun.

 _No, you're the whole reason we're coming_ , Donghyuck told him. _The water here is healing. If the spirits allow you a drink, every single one of your wounds from your transformation will heal!_

 _And they_ will _allow you. The water spirits will see you for who you are. They know you're good_ , Mark added.

Jeno was still apprehensive, but they ventured on anyway. The entire way there, Mark and Donghyuck spoke of their research about the water spirits and this waterfall. They spent days in the library trying to look for ways to heal Jeno's wounds without needing to rely on adult's abilities. They found a book on water spirits in the public library, and Mark set out to find the waterfall before letting them know if it actually existed.

When the fog lifted and the water revealed itself to the three of them, it was a sight that left them breathless and in awe. Even Mark, who had already seen it, still couldn't muster words to describe the view allowed to them.

Ever since then, they would return to play every now and then.

Donghyuck climbs up towards a cliff where there's a full view of the surrounding nature. He breathes in, allows the smell of nature to fill his nostrils, finding comfort in the familiarity of a childhood memory. The dream feels so real, as though he were actually there, sitting atop the cliff with his legs dangling by the edge.

The spirits never allowed any of their caretakers access to the waterfall, something that Donghyuck finds rather funny when he thinks about it. It makes sense, though, considering the biases they held towards Jeno, that they wouldn't be let in. Serves them right.

When Donghyuck wakes up, he still feels the lingering effects of Jaemin's spell. He's grateful, especially knowing that Jaemin doesn't like using magic despite being absolutely skilled at it. Whenever he had asked why, Jaemin would only shrug and say that he just didn't want to unless he absolutely had to.

 _Our magic is powerful,_ he would say, _but I don't need it to survive_.

Donghyuck would tell him that magic would make things a lot more convenient, but Jaemin would always laugh and say, _Where's the fun in that?_

He slowly sits up, rubs the sleep away from his eyes. The sun is bright as it peeks through his curtains, shining light on untouched luggage from the night before. He rises to his feet and slowly unpacks, using his magic to place everything back into its rightful places. Jaemin may not be keen on using his magic, but Donghyuck loves being able to do things with ease.

He unwraps a small orb from the shirt he used to protect it, placing a small kiss on its surface before muttering a spell to release his familiar that's been asleep inside of it. The orb dissolves into smoke in his hand, and his familiar emerges, waking from his sleep.

"Morning," Donghyuck greets. "Get a good sleep?"

Outside of Square, his familiar takes on the form of a ten-inch stoat, often just sitting in his bag when he doesn't feel like moving. When Donghyuck travels between realms, he automatically goes back to his orb, where he sleeps until he's summoned again like right now. When he has to, he uses his human form to get around, but it's something he doesn't really like doing.

"We're back?" he yawns as Donghyuck holds him up at eye-level. "Oh God, you cried. You cried while I was asleep! Why didn't you summon me?"

Donghyuck laughs and pets him on the head to soothe him. "I talked it over with Jaemin last night. We're good. I won't cry anymore."

He holds his little paw out to him and Donghyuck takes it. "Honestly, I don't give a fuck about what destruction you might make, I just don't like the idea of you being sad."

"I know, Sisi. It will all be alright. I'm going to go get ready for the day. Are you coming with me?"

"Nope, gonna stay here. I'm meeting up with Aya later to complain about you."

"Aya? Jaemin's familiar?"

"The very one."

"Hm, take care, okay? Call if you need anything."

Sisi settles himself on Donghyuck's bed, and Donghyuck makes his way to the bathroom for a nice and comforting hot shower.

-

He stands under the shower, eyes closed as the water runs down his skin. Jaemin's spell is slowly waning, and he begins to feel just as he did the night before. He takes a deep breath, exhales loudly as he counts in his head. He thinks back to his dream to calm him, imagining the water as it falls, how it eventually settles into a calm lake below.

Maybe Jaemin wanted to show him that place in his dreams to help him find something to ground himself with when the emotions start running wildly in his heart. A metaphor, maybe, for his feelings to follow.

He really doesn't understand Jaemin sometimes.

He steps out of the shower, drying his hair as his thoughts begin to wander. He thinks of Mark and Jeno, how vehement they were in reassuring him that everything would be okay and that nothing would change in their trio. They kept insisting that everything will be the same, that everything would be as it usually is.

It's unrealistic. Donghyuck knows it is, but he can't help but hope that it would truly be the case.

He stares at the mirror, watching his reflection as he continues to think of the waterfall. Would the waterfall still allow him to visit as he is now? Do the water spirits still deem him kind and pure of heart as he is now?

With another sigh, he steps outside, ready to face the day ahead, no matter what it may bring.

"Morning, Hyuck," greets Mark, blowing on his mug of steaming hot coffee. "Sleep well?"

"Mm."

Donghyuck makes his way to the table where three place settings are ready, food still being prepared by Jeno like usual. Mark isn't allowed in the kitchen after the last time he attempted to cook. A noble effort, but one that need not be repeated. The resulting smoke and blackened dishes are better left as one-time things. Donghyuck and Jeno can take care of cooking. Mark can set the table and wash dishes.

"Was Jaemin here last night? I smelled his scent," Jeno says, looking over his shoulder. His glasses fog up from the heat coming from the stove, so he takes them off and sets them on top of the microwave.

Donghyuck waves a hand to retrieve it, yellow light wrapping around the frame as it floats over to him. Jeno always forgets it there if he doesn't bring it to the table immediately after he sets it down.

"Yeah, there was something we had to talk about. Witch shit can get annoying."

Jeno sets fried eggs and bacon on each of their plates, and Mark stands to get rice for all three of them. Donghyuck breathes out, relieved that things really haven't changed so far. Their morning routine is still the same based on this breakfast, and he can't help but smile behind his own cup of coffee as he takes his first sip.

"Sounds like it." Mark hands him a bowl of rice, which he takes with a soft thank you. "You doing okay, though? We missed you the entire summer. It's a lot more boring without you here."

"Really," Jeno adds with a nod before taking a seat. "We both just ended up staying indoors for most of it, since you're the one who usually drags us out."

"You mean to tell me that you two holed up in here after I explicitly told you guys not to?"

"No, we both went home at some point! But other than that, well, yeah?"

Morning conversation flows a lot easier than he expected. It brings him more hope, quells his worries if even just a little bit. They discuss their schedules this semester, happy to have classes shared with each other. Donghyuck has classes with Jaemin and Renjun, too. It'll definitely be an interesting semester.

"Oh, by the way," Donghyuck says as he places Jeno's glasses back on his face, "Jaemin is our TA for emotion regulation. Apparently, Professor Kim found out that Jaemin's more or less mastered it already and asked him to help with the class."

"Jaemin? As our TA?" Jeno blinks, eyebrows pinched together. "That's something."

Mark laughs as he clears the empty plates off the table. "I can never fully grasp the kind of person Jaemin is. He's like an absolute mystery to me even after all this time."

"Maybe you should stop trying so hard." Renjun rises from the ground, and the three of them yell in surprise. He evades the towel that Mark throws at him, picking it up and tossing it back right after. "Jaemin is a cryptid. The more you try to understand him, the less you do."

" _You're_ a cryptid!" Jeno shouts, hand on his heart, glowering at him. "What the fuck even are you?!"

Renjun's head slants. "You just said I'm a cryptid."

"I—" Jeno sighs loudly, rubbing his temples. "Where's Jaemin? Aren't you two a buy-one-get-one deal?"

"Dunno," Renjun says, walking over to the living room, plopping down on the couch. "He said he had to go back to Square."

Donghyuck's throat dries, licking his lips as worry creeps into his mind. _No_ , he tells himself. There's no need to worry. Jaemin said he won't report him, and he has always been a man of his word. Even in the most mundane things, no matter how arbitrary a promise, Jaemin always keeps it. It probably has nothing to do with Donghyuck. Jaemin comes and goes whenever he feels like it. This is just typical Jaemin behavior.

"Aww, Renjun, you're here because you're lonely, aren't you?" Donghyuck teases as he takes the empty space beside him. "You got too used to having Jaemin around that you need to be around other people when he's gone?"

Renjun raises an eyebrow as he turns to Donghyuck. "I'll kill you."

Donghyuck smiles sweetly at him. "Try."

"Please no murder in our apartment," Jeno calls out from the kitchen. "No sparring either. I don't care if you can cast some protective magic on our stuff, _no fighting_."

Renjun snorts as he crosses one leg over the other. "So uptight," he says, shaking his head. "He needs to get laid or something to relax."

Donghyuck looks toward the kitchen, a small smile on his face as Mark and Jeno work on the dishes. Jeno always watches Mark as he does the dishes to make sure he doesn't rush it. Jeno's oddly specific about how he wants the dishes washed. If it's not done right, he'll do them again. It's the same with how he is about cleaning.

"God, you're so whipped," Renjun mutters beside him. "You're staring at them all love-struck and hopeless. Just go over there and suck their dicks or something."

"Go suck Jaemin's like I know you want to and then maybe I'll think about it." Donghyuck rolls his eyes at him.

"Bold of you to assume I haven't already."

"What? You have?!"

Renjun shrugs. "Nope."

"Bitch."

Renjun wiggles his fingers at him as the ground opens and he disappears into the chasm.

Donghyuck sighs, shaking his head. "That deadpan bitch is going to be the death of me."

-

Everything is the same for the most part. Mark and Jeno are considerate like that. They really make sure that Donghyuck doesn't feel like anything's changing and that he never feels left out. They're so kind that it hurts, if he's being honest. He doesn't want them to have to hold back for his sake, especially when Donghyuck can see the little things anyway. Like how they're a lot more affectionate with each other now. Or how they always stare at each other with hearts in their eyes.

They extend the same affection toward Donghyuck, which he supposes is consoling to an extent, but he knows it's not the same. They're being courteous, being their usual thoughtful selves. Donghyuck sometimes wonders if it would have been better if they just… _didn't_.

He goes to bed at night with an ache in his heart, wondering if he would be better off going back to his mom. He tears up at night when he thinks about Mark and Jeno, at the inevitable rift that's going to break their trio apart. They have each other. Jaemin has Renjun. Who does Donghyuck have? When his mind begins to wreak havoc like this, he imagines the waterfall. At least he has this to calm himself with.

He knows, though, that this does nothing in the grand scheme of things. As soon as a witch sheds tears, misfortune is tied to their inner turmoil regardless of whether they or not they cry again. It gets worse with more tears, but a lack of them doesn't ease anything. Until he learns to control this devastation in his heart, he's still a risk. He needs to learn how to regulate his emotions or keep them away before things take a turn for the worse.

Nothing's happening so far, which is great, but it's only a matter of time until the universe begins to catch up.

He's so weak and pathetic that he could cry at just that.

The first class he has of the semester is the one he shares with both Mark and Jeno. The fact that it's with the two of them is the only reason that Donghyuck is still in that class. If not for them, he would have definitely chosen a different section considering this one starts at eight in the morning. Hardly the time for Donghyuck to be awake.

Jaemin materializes in his room as he's doing his makeup that morning, looking annoyingly gorgeous with the most bare minimum effort.

"I hate you," greets Donghyuck.

"Good morning to you too, baby."

Donghyuck softens at the pet name and smiles at Jaemin. "You got an early class too?"

"Yeah." Jaemin sits down on his bed, reaching over to pet Sisi's fur. "Witches and War: The Necromancer Genocide."

"Have you ever asked dad about it? I'm sure he knows more than most. The grandparents would be good resources too."

Jaemin shrugs, smiling as Sisi curls up on his lap. "Your grandparents don't really want to talk about it, which is, you know, valid. Your dad said he'd tell me when I finish this class."

"Is that why you're taking it?"

"Partly." Jaemin smiles at him when Donghyuck raises an eyebrow at him. He doesn't say more about it and instead redirects the conversation. "How have you been doing, though?"

Donghyuck pauses, setting his eyeliner pen down on his dresser. He looks at Jaemin through his reflection on the mirror, smiling like he always does. Sometimes when he smiles like this, Donghyuck just thinks he seems lonely, but he always laughs it off and calls him cute when he says something of it.

"It's okay for the most part," he admits, adjusting his hair. "It gets worse at night, though. It feels the hardest when I'm just about to go to sleep, when everything is quiet and all I have is my thoughts."

"Yeah, that's the worst."

"I'm jealous, you know," says Donghyuck, a sad smile on his lips. Jaemin blinks at him. "You mastered emotion regulation so early. If I had too, I wouldn't be struggling right now."

Jaemin chuckles softly as he presses his thumbs together. Donghyuck watches him carefully as he looks out the window. "It's nothing to envy, Duckie," he says quietly. "It was the only thing that I didn't choose to master. It was the only thing that I _had_ to master. I had no choice."

"Nana…" Donghyuck turns around and quickly pulls him in for a hug. "I'm sorry. I've made you sad."

"No, not at all," Jaemin says, running his fingers through Donghyuck's hair. "Will you be okay for your first day of class? Do you want me to sit in with you? You have it with Mark and Jeno, right?"

"Stop acting like my mom, you weirdo." He pulls away and squishes Jaemin's cheeks between his palms.

Jaemin laughs and reaches over to pat him on the head again. "Okay, okay, good luck then. I'm going to go ahead."

Donghyuck waves as Jaemin disappears, finishing up the rest of his look before he finally heads out. When he steps outside, he's greeted by the smell of breakfast, coffee, and… paper?

"Jeno, are you reading already?" Donghyuck asks as he reaches the dining table.

Jeno looks up with a bashful smile and holds his textbook out. "Got a head start on readings."

"Like usual," Mark adds, handing Donghyuck his coffee. "Don't tease, though. Jeno's going to be a huge part of you passing two of your classes."

"I'm not teasing!" Donghyuck sits down, leaning over to look at what he's reading. "I commend you, Mr. Jeno Lee. Your dedication to your education is notable and worthy of much praise."

"Fuck off." Jeno laughs and lightly taps the end of a chopstick on Donghyuck's forehead. "I'm not helping you guys. You're on your own."

"Really?" Donghyuck pouts. "You would leave us to drown?"

Jeno rolls his eyes. "Have Mark save you."

"But I'm not as good as you, Jeno," Mark adds, also pouting.

"God, stop that!" Jeno grimaces, face turning red, hiding himself behind his textbook. "I hate it when you two team up like that. I'm joking! I'll help you guys! Stop pouting!"

Donghyuck and Mark laugh as they give each other a high five. If this keeps up, there's not going to be much to worry about. He can do this. They can get through this.

-

The day goes by so incredibly fast. He thought things in Square go by fast, but syllabus week is much _much_ faster. He's had two classes so far—Werewolf Transformations: Care and Healing During The Full Moon with Mark and Jeno and Advanced Spellcasting For Witches with Jaemin. So far, it's mostly just introductions and ice breakers that Donghyuck really could do without.

If not for his friends dragging him to class and the fact that he's _required_ to attend the first day for each class, he would have stayed home.

"I hate ice breakers." Donghyuck kicks a stone away from his path as he exits the room, Jaemin by his side. "I have no interest in getting to know anyone in my class. I'm here to learn advanced spellcasting and that's it. Why do I have to talk to people?"

Jaemin laughs and offers him a soft pat on the back to placate him. "It's good to network. You're going to need it once you become Grand Master."

"Oh, fuck no." Donghyuck grimaces as he shoots Jaemin a look. "If anyone's going to become Grand Master here, it would be you."

"Me? Oh, no, not at all. I don't use my magic other than to teleport or when I have to. Like for classes or if it's the only way to get out of trouble. I'm hardly qualified."

"I'd argue that that's exactly what makes you qualified. You don't use magic just to use it, and you understand how powerful witches really are. You know when to use it and when not to." Donghyuck glances over at Jaemin, who smiles at him, a faint blush dotted across his face. "You're a powerful witch, Nana. All the witches know that you are. The fact that you're _wise_ on top of that just makes you even more the most likely candidate from our generation."

Jaemin is smiling, but there's sadness in his eyes as he looks forward. He never talks about it, but Donghyuck knows that the pain behind his smile is still in his heart. It's what keeps him going, what pushes him forward in his goal to completely master his powers. It reminds him of Jeno, too, and how much he wants to learn everything about being a werewolf.

The two of them know destruction, know how easily it is to hurt another.

When they reach the dining hall, Mark and Jeno are already there. Donghyuck takes the seat beside Jeno and immediately rests his head on the table, sighing heavily.

"Rough day?" Jeno asks, pushing a french fry to Donghyuck's lips. He eats and sits up, sighing as he chews and steal more of Jeno's fries.

"He's sulking because of the ice breakers," Jaemin answers for him. "He says he doesn't want to talk to anyone."

"That's valid." Jeno pats him on the head lightly. "You need to network, though."

"Especially if you're going to become Grand Master," says Mark.

"Exactly," finishes Jaemin.

Jeno feeds him another fry to prevent him from retorting. "I think Jaemin is more likely to become Grand Master than Hyuck, though. No offense."

"None taken," Donghyuck says as he chews. "That's what I said too. Jaemin's just too good."

Jaemin cringes and shakes his head. "No, I don't—I don't think so. I don't think I should be anyway. Who wants someone from the royal family to get that power again? The necromancers would throw a fit."

"It's _you_ , though," Jeno says. "If there's anyone from our generation who has the power and the wisdom to take charge, it'd be you. The fact that you're already at this level at twenty just means you're going to be, like, fucking unstoppable when we get to that age."

"You guys have too much bias on the matter." Jaemin laughs softly. He's always like this when he receives praise, and Donghyuck hopes he could just accept that he's wonderful. "It's much appreciated, though. Thank you."

Before they could say more, Renjun appears beside him. Mark, Jeno, and Donghyuck look at each other, already aware that Renjun's presence means that they won't be able to talk to Jaemin much for the rest of lunch. Renjun and Jaemin together just means that they'll be off in their bubble of Renjun and Jaemin.

"You know, those two always just feel like they don't make sense, but at the same time, they do," says Mark, glancing in their direction. "I think it has to do with them both being really mysterious."

"Aren't we kind of the same way?" asks Donghyuck. "I'm sure people are just as surprised that the three of us are this close. A witch, a water-bender, and a werewolf? Hardly your typical combination, yet here we are."

"That's true." Mark hums as he chews on a piece of bread. "Do you think we would end up this way if we didn't meet as kids?"

"Absolutely," says Donghyuck.

"I'm not too sure about that…" Jeno looks down with an awkward laugh, scratching at the side of his head. "I mean, I think it would be likely you'd believe in what your elders say about werewolves since you wouldn't have met me back then."

"You're forgetting that Donghyuck was the one who told everyone off, _you included_ , when people were warning him about you even when we were just, what, barely ten? No way in hell Donghyuck would let me hold such prejudices."

Mark reaches over to take Jeno's hand in his. "It doesn't matter if we meet now; I can guarantee you that we'd still end up like this."

Donghyuck ignores the slight ache in his chest at the sight in front of him, feeling like he's interrupting a tender moment between two lovers. When Mark and Jeno look over at him, he forces a smile and nods, offers more reassurances like he usually does.

He pushes his thoughts away to focus on Jeno as they begin to talk about their shared childhood memories. He knows Jeno still feels guilty for what happened in the past, but that's why Mark and Donghyuck reassure him that everything is okay whenever a chance presents itself.

Jeno is a kind boy, one of the best people he knows. It doesn't matter that he transforms during the full moon and forgets. Mark and Donghyuck will remember for him until he turns back.

-

"Give me a second," Renjun says. Everyone looks up at him as he suddenly disappears.

"Huh," says Donghyuck. "That's strange."

"What is?" asks Mark.

"The fact that he warned us that he was leaving. He usually just comes and goes whenever he wants."

Jeno blinks. "Holy shit, you're right."

All eyes at the table turn to Jaemin, who just blinks back at everyone with a confused look on his face. "What?"

"He probably did it because you're here."

Jaemin smiles at the thought, skin tinged red. It's actually kind of cute. As a childhood friend of Jaemin's, Donghyuck feels especially happy to see him with another person who understands him. He's slightly jealous that Renjun might understand him better, but he's still glad and grateful nonetheless, especially if Renjun can ease the loneliness in his heart.

Renjun returns with a fairy on his shoulder, grinning at them with his usual bright smile.

"Oh, hey Yangyang," they all greet.

Yangyang is a fairy with a penchant for mischief. He and his roommate Chenle throw parties almost every week, adhering to the notion that one must live a fun life until it's time to die. It's a rather grim idea at the end of the day, but they do always look happy so he doesn't really try to think much of it.

He waves at them and starts talking about the party they have planned for the weekend, telling them that they absolutely have to attend since it's the very first of the semester. He knows he can't count on them to attend the succeeding ones, so he's requiring their attendance at this one.

"I don't know, dude," Mark says with a scowl. "Me and parties? Not exactly the best relationship."

"That's only back when you were, like, dumb and pining. It all worked out, didn't it?" Yangyang raises an eyebrow, tilting his head in Jeno's direction. "I literally told you repeatedly that it would be fine, but no, you kept doubting me like an idiot."

Donghyuck tries to hide his frown at what he's hearing. Mark had spoken to Yangyang about Jeno and not him? Why? Wouldn't it be more logical to talk to Donghyuck, since the three of them were best friends?

No, he can't think about this now. He grips onto his thighs, picturing the waterfall, picturing the water as it collects into the peaceful lake. The water is so clear that the rocks below the surface are still visible.

Conversation continues for a few more moments, but they soon all disperse for their respective classes. He has Potions for Healing with Mark next, so they walk together with Donghyuck matching his step. Usually, he would just wait until the very last minute before teleporting to class, but this is a better alternative. He loves spending time with Mark anyway.

"Hey Hyuck, can I ask you something?" Mark says, breaking the silence between them.

"What's up?"

"Is something bothering you?"

"Huh?" Donghyuck looks over at Mark, and it hurts how troubled he seems. "No, why?"

"I don't know. You're just not as affectionate as you used to be. Like usually you'd be holding my hand by now and stuff. You weren't getting physical at lunch, either, except with Jaemin. You're not completely okay with me and Jeno, are you?"

Donghyuck hates himself. He really does. Especially after seeing Mark like this. What a selfish asshole he is.

"No, Mark, it's not that." He smiles, offering his hand. Mark takes it immediately, squeezing it tightly. "I just figured you'd want to set some boundaries since you two are dating now. You don't usually hold hands with someone else's boyfriend, right? It's just… respect."

Mark frowns at him and shakes his head. "No, that doesn't apply to us. It's always been us three, Hyuckie. Like we keep saying, nothing has to change when it comes to the three of us."

"You guys are being too accommodating of me," he says with a sigh. "You don't have to force yourselves into this whole 'nothing has to change' thing. Relationships change, and that's fine. I want you guys to be—"

"Hyuck, we're not. We talked about it over the summer. Both Jeno and I _want_ us three to stay how we usually are. We love you, you know that."

Donghyuck laughs softly, his heart feeling like it's slowly breaking apart. He tries not to cry as Mark squeezes his hand again, as he looks at him with a smile so warm, a smile he knows he doesn't deserve. "Love you guys too."

Donghyuck changes the subject while they walk, opting to talk about Jaemin instead. Mark was wondering why both Donghyuck and Jeno insist that Jaemin would be a better choice for Grand Master.

"His power is beyond words," Donghyuck explains. "People don't realize it because he doesn't really use it much, but he's so much stronger than a lot of adult witches. I'm honestly afraid of having to be paired with him for dueling. He could kill me with a wave of his hand if he wanted to. He doesn't even have to chant anymore for a lot of stuff. Give it a couple of years, and he could do spells without chanting for _anything_."

"If he doesn't use his magic, how does he master it?"

Even Donghyuck doesn't know the answer to this. He knows that Jaemin reads a lot, takes a lot of classes when he can. Other than that, he doesn't really ask. Jaemin wouldn't answer anyway. He's never been one to talk about himself, especially when it comes to magic.

They share theories as they make it to class, taking a seat in the middle of the room. They bring out the syllabus when the professor walks in, going through requirements together. Halfway through reading, Mark begins to chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Donghyuck asks.

"Nothing, it's just—I'm happy." Mark reaches for his hand again. "We've come a long way, you know? We've made it this far together, and we're making so much progress toward our goal."

Donghyuck can't help but smile as well. "All for Jeno."

"All for Jeno," Mark repeats.

Donghyuck thinks back to the promise they made as kids, one they made after Jeno's transformation and people threatened to send Jeno away afterwards. They made a vow to always protect Jeno no matter what, regardless of what people say.

He even yelled at his own father about it.

 _Werewolves don't need protection_ , his father said.

Little Donghyuck, with tears in his eyes, yelled back, _Of course they do! I need to protect Jeno from all you mean grownups who think it's okay to be mean to him just for being a werewolf! Mark and I will protect him because you won't!_

"We're doing a good job, right?" Donghyuck asks, absentmindedly playing with Mark's fingers.

"We are," Mark reassures him. "Jeno is too."

The three of them swore to make a better world someday, a world filled with kindness and justice. The three of them have this promise, but Mark and Donghyuck have a separate one of their own—a secret they never even told Jeno.

It was a promise to always keep Jeno safe from himself. Mark will master his water healing, and Donghyuck will master protection spells. To help Jeno during his transformations. To erase his pain and ease his heart when he returns the next day.

-

Mark and Donghyuck wait for Jeno at his building when class ends. They were dismissed early after finishing a quick assessment of everyone's skills. They're in the advanced class, so the professor wanted to make sure that they were capable of making basic potions through muscle memory only. Mark chose to use a recipe from his hometown, one that made use of water's healing properties. Donghyuck chose to make a potion for cell regeneration.

It was definitely not a basic spell. Donghyuck just wanted to show off, and Mark called him out on it at the end of class.

"That sounds like you," Jeno says with a chuckle as soon as Mark tells him what happened. "When did you even learn that recipe? That one's ridiculously complicated, isn't it?"

"Not for me." Donghyuck winks at him, proud of himself. In truth, it really is a complicated potion. He had to beg his grandmother to teach him when he was back at Square, and even she was surprised that Donghyuck managed to do it before it was time to return to The Capital. When he succeeded the first time, it took him another couple of times before he could make it twice in a row.

Making it today was a huge risk—one that he's glad paid off.

"Ready to go home?" Mark asks. "I can't stop thinking about dinner. The dining hall is convenient and all, but… the food is so inconsistent. I miss Hyuck's cooking."

Donghyuck doesn't know why Mark and Jeno are standing on either side of him. He would have expected the two of them to want to walk together so they could hold hands or something, but they're instead holding onto _his_.

 _Nothing has to change_. Mark's voice echoes in his head.

Right. This is how they always are. There's nothing strange about it. It's Donghyuck who's making a big deal about all of it.

He shakes the thought away to say, "Well, let's go get groceries then. I'll make dinner tonight. What would you two babies like to eat?"

Both heads quickly turn to Donghyuck, eyes round and sparkling with anticipation. He wishes he could take a photo; the two of them look like cute little eager puppies.

"Damn, did you miss my cooking that much?" Donghyuck laughs.

"I mean, we missed _you_ in general."

"Oh, shut up. You missed my food."

Donghyuck keeps walking with the two of them catching up, still holding onto him. Donghyuck needs to stop being so self-conscious like this. This is how things always are! There's nothing wrong with it! If he fusses over it, they'll think he doesn't support them and he would never want them to feel like that.

As they reach the grocery store, Jeno has already typed in dishes and ingredients into a note in his phone. Leave it to Jeno to always be organized. If it were just Donghyuck and Mark, they probably would have just grabbed whatever they feel like grabbing without much direction. They'd figure out what to make afterwards. Jeno is the opposite—he chooses what he wants, then he grabs what he needs to make those.

They decide to split up to get things over with faster.

Donghyuck heads over to the spice aisle, staring at everything, mind going blank. He'd already forgotten what he was supposed to get. Before he could text Jeno to ask, he had already sent a message with the list.

 _I knew you would forget_ , the message says.

Donghyuck chuckles and sends a sticker before retrieving everything he has to.

They meet up by the registers, baskets full. As expected, Donghyuck and Mark have added other things to their baskets, while Jeno kept to his list.

Like this, Donghyuck feels like everything really is normal. If only his heart could settle down and accept that all truly is well, that change may not be as inevitable as he thought it would be. They're fine right now, right? There's no reason to think that things are going to get worse, right?

-

Mark and Jeno are arguing about all the junk food Mark bought as they walk back into their apartment. Jeno chastises him for buying so much, especially when he's supposed to be taking better care of his health. Mark says it's fine. It's not like he'll eat everything in one go. It's there "just in case" and not for consistent consumption.

"Oh my God, when did you start speaking bullshit?" Jeno asks with a quirked eyebrow.

Mark scoffs, offended.

"If you both don't shut up, I will make all of these disappear," Donghyuck warns. The two of them pout at him, but he's already busied himself with preparing to cook.

Mark disappears into his room while Jeno stays behind to help him unload the groceries, placing everything where they need to be.

"I could have just used a spell to put everything back, you know."

"Yeah, but where's the fun in that?"

Donghyuck laughs, shaking his head. "Jaemin said the same thing."

It's comfortable as they work on organizing the kitchen, making sure everything is in its place. Donghyuck doesn't care too much about cleaning, but Jeno likes to keep things tidy.

"Hey Hyuck, come here," Jeno says, beckoning him over.

Donghyuck closes the gap between them, and Jeno smiles as he starts putting an apron on him. His heart beats faster as Jeno ties it for him, focusing on the bear patterns on the cloth to hopefully calm himself.

"This new?" he asks.

Jeno hums and nods. "Present from my mom. I went home for a little bit over the summer and she said she made it for you as a thank you for always feeding me."

Donghyuck chuckles as he admires the pattern. The fact that it was made especially for him brings a warmth to his face. There are some frayed edges, some messy stitches. When he looks up to ask, Jeno's bashful smile answers for him.

"Yeah, I helped make it," he says. "Mom tried to teach me how to make it neater and we tried a couple of times, but that's the best I could do."

"It's perfect, Jeno. Thank you."

Donghyuck makes dinner in silence as Jeno retreats to his room to rest. Donghyuck tries to focus on cooking, but his mind keeps wandering. Every time he looks down at the apron around him, his heart speeds up as though reminding him that this is from someone he loves. For a witch destined to surpass the current Grand Master in magical prowess, he sure is a weak boy when it comes to anything to do with his own feelings.

This is all on him. It's his fault for not saying anything to them in the first place, for not letting them know anything about how he feels. He was always just satisfied knowing that the three of them were best friends, that they've sworn to always stay together no matter what. Anxiety crept in once his feelings grew, and the fear of destroying a perfectly good friendship became much too strong to break away from.

What would he even say to begin with? _Hey, so I'm actually in love with the two of you and I have been since we were little._ Not really something easily brought up.

Donghyuck freezes as Mark wraps his arms around him from behind, his chin resting on his shoulder. "You look troubled, Hyuck. Is anything wrong?"

He laughs softly and shakes his head, turning his attention to the food. Mark makes no effort to move, and Donghyuck hates how weak his knees feel like this. "Just thought of some witch business from over the summer. Nothing to concern yourself with."

"Donghyuck," he says, his breath hot against Donghyuck's skin. He shouldn't feel bothered by this considering this isn't anything new. The three of them have always been affectionate with each other. "Whatever it is, Jeno and I are here for you. No matter what."

He forces another laugh, the guilt building in his chest as Mark whispers reassurances in his ear. "It's really nothing," he insists, patting the arm wrapped around his middle. "Besides, with dad being Grand Master, I'm kind of bound to have to deal with stupid witch stuff more and more as I grow older."

"That sounds annoying," Mark says as he finally releases him, grabbing a glass of water for himself. He leans against the kitchen counter as Donghyuck finishes making dinner, carefully plating everything before handing it over to Mark so he can set the table. "I bet it's even worse for you dad though."

"Yet another reason I absolutely refuse to be Grand Master in the future." Donghyuck clears the counter.

"Leave it. I'll wash the dishes later. Jeno said we should go eat in the living room tonight. Watch a movie or something."

"Sounds good."

Donghyuck helps Mark carry plates to the living room, where Jeno has already set up for the night. The food disappears almost in an instant, and they all find themselves yawning and tired afterwards. Mark lies down on his lap as Jeno sits in the floor, eyes closed.

"I'm so sleepy," Mark whines. "Dinner was so good, Hyuck. Thank you."

"Didn't you say you were going to wash the dishes?" Donghyuck chuckles and absentmindedly strokes Mark's hair.

Jeno looks up and laughs as well, poking Mark's cheek. "He really did fall asleep, this idiot. Not surprised, though. He couldn't really sleep much last night."

"First day nerves still get him, huh? Even after all this time, he still can't sleep well the day before first classes."

"Yeah." Jeno sits up and scoops Mark into his arms. "I'll go tuck him in then wash the dishes."

"He's going to get indigestion." Donghyuck clicks his tongue as he stands, already starting on clearing their plates. "Don't worry about the dishes, I'll take care of it."

"No, no, I'll join you in a sec."

Donghyuck heads back to the kitchen and does the first rinse, his thoughts again wandering. This isn't anything new. Why does it leave him with a bitter taste on his tongue? He needs to stop this kind of thinking before it affects their friendship, which is the one thing he always wanted to avoid in the first place.

"Hey, Hyuck, are you upset?" Jeno says as soon as he joins Donghyuck in the kitchen.

"Huh?" Donghyuck blinks, looking over at Jeno with his eyebrows pinched together. "No, why?"

Jeno chuckles, pink dusted across his face. "I don't know if it's just me being extra sensitive and worrying too much, but, I don't know, I feel like you've put a little bit of distance between us ever since… you know."

Donghyuck hates this. Why does Jeno have to look at him like that? He hates making Jeno sad, especially over something like this.

"I'm not," he says, flashing him his most sincere smile. He hopes it comes off that way at least. "I just have a lot on my mind, that's all. I'm happy for you guys, really. Want me a love like that someday."

Jeno looks like he has something to say, but he decides against it and stays quiet instead. Like that, they finish washing the dishes in silence, only Donghyuck's thoughts loud and imposing in his mind.

-

The shower he takes does nothing to ease the burdens that plague his thoughts. He lies in his bed as soon as his hair dries, keeping his room pitch black as he stares up at the ceiling. Basic spells for color rely on understanding of light, and he's able to do this thanks to his mother's expertise in anything aesthetic. Whenever he uses the spells she does, it almost feels like his mother's around. It's somewhat comforting.

Wind enters his room. A presence materializes from the ground. Donghyuck startles as Renjun's eyes greet him with a blue glow, pressing a hand to his chest, grateful that he at least didn't yell this time.

"Boo," renjun salutes.

"I'm going to kill you," Donghyuck answers without missing a beat.

"As if."

Donghyuck sighs and sits up. "Sisi," he calls out. Sisi hops on his lap. "Go get Jaemin."

Sisi disappears and reappears in an instant, Jaemin in tow.

"What are we gathered here for tonight?" asks Jaemin. Donghyuck feels his weight sink his bed. "I was in the middle of a very interesting book, you know."

"Renjun showed up out of nowhere, and I figured he'd be less annoying if you were here."

Jaemin chuckles and waves his hand, a faint light illuminating the room. Renjun walks over to seat himself beside Jaemin. Donghyuck makes a halfhearted whine as he scoots over to make room for them, not really hating it. If anything, he's rather grateful he has company right now, though he's sure they're going to engage him with uncomfortable conversation soon enough.

"So, you still pissed about Yangyang?" There it is. Donghyuck sighs and looks at Renjun, who's staring at the glowing blob Jaemin used to light the room.

"I'm not—" Donghyuck tries to protest, but it's cut short by Renjun's deadpan, quietly just staring at him without a change in expression. "I'm not _pissed_ per se… Maybe a little bit upset? Just thinking of Mark going to Yangyang instead of me… On some level, I feel relieved considering my own feelings, but it's still conflicting. Would it have been easier if he _had_ come to me? Would I have been able to prepare my heart more if I had known? I don't know."

"All guesswork," Renjun says, watching as the light slowly dims and returns to Jaemin's hand. "We'll never really know."

Jaemin absorbs the orb and leaves the room pitch black once more. He blows into the air, a puff of pink and white circling the air before landing on the ceiling. Color blooms, lends light to the room, and Donghyuck marvels at the display. A small smile tugs at his lips. Jaemin used his magic again, simple as it may be. For Donghyuck, he's sure.

"I almost cried twice today," Donghyuck confesses, gaze affixed on the ceiling. It's cute, very Jaemin in nature. When he looks over, Jaemin is frowning at him. "It's okay, though. I managed to fight it. I'll get through this soon enough."

"Will you still not reconsider coming back to Square?"

"I'll be fine. It will be okay, really. I'll be able to control these feelings of mine soon enough. I'm Donghyuck Lee, son of Square's sixteenth Grand Master, after all."

"You're saying a whole lot of bullshit." Renjun sighs. "If you're _that_ stubborn about it, though, not like we can do anything other than kidnap you."

"Why are you even concerned about me anyway?" Donghyuck raises an eyebrow.

"I'm concerned about _him_." He points at Jaemin, who stares back at them both with his eyes wide. Renjun shrugs as he looks away, moving to pet Sisi instead.

"I figured about as much." Donghyuck laughs and throws his arm around Jaemin, rubbing his cheek against his. "Stop worrying about me so Renjun can stop worrying about you, dummy. He's going to end up getting unwillingly dragged into my mess."

"Already am." Renjun expels a loud sigh, staring blankly at Donghyuck and Jaemin.

A knock interrupts their conversation, and the door opens to reveal a freshly-showered Mark. Mark blinks at the sight before him, understandably confused by their gathering in Donghyuck's room.

"Oh, I didn't realize you had company." Mark says, a small smile on his lips. "Some sort of secret meeting, hm?"

"Nah, just shit from the summer. Nothing interesting. Dumb witch business. What's up?"

"Oh, I just woke up and we were going to ask if you wanted to watch a movie. Never mind, though."

"I'll join if you guys are still awake after the witch business."

Mark's eyebrows knit together as his head tilts slightly to the side, eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Hold on, wait. Renjun isn't a witch."

Renjun mimics his head tilt. "I'm not?"

Mark blinks. "You are?"

"Who knows?"

"Oh my God," Mark exclaims, shaking his head. "One day, I'll figure out what you are and then it'll be over for you, Renjun Huang."

"Oh wow, I'm so scared." Renjun raises his hands and flails them as he monotonously says, "Ahh, how frightening."

Mark rolls his eyes before excusing himself, closing the door behind him. Donghyuck slumps and sinks in his bed as Sisi hops over to sit on his head. He sighs heavily, draping an arm around Jaemin, who pets his hair almost automatically.

Despite Renjun's words, Donghyuck knows he cares. He has a roundabout way of showing it, but he's learned over time that that's just how Renjun works. He's mysterious sometimes and hard to read—an attribute he shares with Jaemin—but Donghyuck knows that the both of them are loyal and kind at heart, regardless of how they choose to show it.

"Thank you," Donghyuck says, dragging them both down to lie with him in the cramped bed, stretching his arms out to be able to reach Renjun, "for being here and listening to my stupid problems."

Renjun grimaces and tries to break away. "I thrive in the misery of others. You know this."

"Of course! I'm glad my pain brings joy."

"Masochist."

"Sadist."

"Want to get spanked?"

"Shut up."

Jaemin starts laughing as Donghyuck and Renjun continue to bicker, filling the room with more brightness. It doesn't take long before the two of them join him, and they laugh until it's time for Jaemin and Renjun to return to their own rooms.

He doesn't do anything to the cute motifs Jaemin left on his ceiling, just looks on with a smile as he hugs a pillow to his chest. Things will be okay. He'll be able to overcome this. He's Donghyuck Lee. Everything will be okay. Right?

-

Sleep doesn't come. Time ticks by slowly as he allows his thoughts to drift to arbitrary places. He debates visiting Jaemin, knowing that he rarely ever sleeps before dawn, but decides against it when he thinks about how much he's been depending on him lately. He needs to make sure he doesn't impose on him too much.

He decides to step outside, maybe go for a walk, but stops in his tracks as he notices Mark and Jeno snuggled on the couch. A small smile ghosts over his lips seeing them close together like this. They look cute together. Happy. Donghyuck hates that there's a twinge in his heart.

His pain is no one's fault but his own. He shouldn't have fallen in love with them in the first place. He shouldn't have allowed himself to indulge and nurse feelings he knew would lead him to a heartbreak like this. Every step he took in his life has amounted to this, and it's Donghyuck's burden to bear.

He waves a blanket over and drapes it over them, making sure they're tucked and covered. He pats them both lightly on the head, affectionate as he mutters a spell for good dreams under his breath. He's about to move away when Mark's eyes flutter open and reaches for his hand.

"Hyuck…" His voice is so soft, barely above a whisper, eyes tender as he looks into Donghyuck's. "You're not going to leave us, right?"

"What?" Donghyuck wants to scream, wants to tear his heart out of his chest and replace it with something that doesn't hurt this much. "What are you—"

"Please don't… Please don't leave us."

"Idiot," Donghyuck says, shifting to take Mark's hand in his. He doesn't understand why he's talking like this. Why would Donghyuck leave? If anything, he's the one that's going to be left behind. He's the one who'll eventually end up alone. "I would never."

"Things don't have to change. We love you, Hyuck. We would never want you to feel like we don't."

"I know, Mark." He squeezes Mark's hand and sets it down on the couch, holding back the feelings that are threatening to spill beyond his gated heart. "Get some rest, okay? You have an early class tomorrow, right?"

His eyes close once more as he nods. And again, he says, "Things don't have to change."

"I know."

He says this, but it's all a lie. Things _will_ change. That's an inevitability that they will have to face sooner or later. The moment people cross the line between friends and lovers, everything will be changed forever. There's no going back, there's no standing still—everything moves forward, regardless of who gets left behind in the process. It will happen sooner or later, and it's up to Donghyuck to be ready for when it does.

Donghyuck returns to his room in a hurry, clutching at the fabric over his heart. It's too loud, too heavy, too powerful as it knocks against his ribcage. Why would Mark say something like that? Fool. What a fool. It's them that's going to leave him behind. It's them that's crossed a line without taking him with them.

It already feels so lonely.

And Donghyuck's the biggest fool of all. For hoping. For wanting a future where they really can still be the three of them.

"Oh no," Donghyuck mutters, feeling the tears pool in his eyes. "Oh no, it's—Fuck, no, I can't—"

Donghyuck closes his eyes, tries to picture the waterfall, the lake. Anything. Anything to keep his tears at bay.

It's no use. It's not working. Nothing's working.

When he opens his eyes, the tears fall, hot against his skin. Are tears supposed to be this hot? Or is it just because he's a witch? Is it a warning? He wipes it away, stares as it his glimmering fingers, choking back the sob that's threatening to spill.

Sisi paws at his face to wipe his tears away. "Donghyuck… Should I call for Jaemin?"

"No," he says firmly. "No, don't call him. This is nothing. Don't worry about it."

"I worry about you."

"I know, Sisi." Donghyuck pats the empty space on the pillow beside his head. Sisi lies there, keeping close to him. "I'll be okay, I promise."

"Can I just send them to the void? Will that ease your pain? I can do it right now, just say the word."

Donghyuck laughs softly and reaches over to pet his fur. "No, but I thank you for the thought."

Familiars are meant to be companions, and he's thankful to have bonded with one as loyal as Sisi. He's a demon from the Underworld, meant to be a servant like most familiars are. Donghyuck said he wasn't interested in a servant, rejected the idea of someone having to serve him for the rest of their lives.

Sisi was persistent. He was always there no matter what, even if it meant just watching from the shadows. It wasn't until he got hurt protecting Donghyuck from a rebel that Donghyuck gave in and decided to accept him. Still, he made Sisi promise not to act as a servant.

He wanted his familiar to be a companion, a lifelong friend. He didn't want anyone serving him; he wanted Sisi to be his friend instead. No honorifics, no formalities—just Donghyuck and Sisi as friends.

It was a shock to him, of course, considering it deviated from the role he had been raised to serve. He's grateful though, especially in moments like this. At the end of the day, he'll always have at least one person at the very least.

"If I decide to run away, you're kind of forced to be with me, huh?" It was a rhetorical question, but he hears Sisi snort.

"Hardly," he says. "Did you forget that familiars choose their masters?"

Donghyuck cringes at the word. "Right."

"Seriously, though, I can rip their souls out of their mortal bodies right now if you—"

"Sisi."

"Sorry. I just hate seeing you this sad."

"I know."

-

Donghyuck wakes up to see Mark rushing all over the place, tripping over his own feet, frazzled and distraught as he runs out the door. Mark is always composed in the morning, always has things together. Donghyuck stares as the front door slams shut, mouth slightly open as he tries to process what he had just witnessed.

"What the—"

"Right?" Jeno says, shaking his head. Donghyuck watches as Jeno folds the blanket he draped over them the night before and adjusts the pillows on the couch. "Mark Lee actually overslept. I thought he left his phone out here, but it was actually inside his room so he couldn't hear his alarms. He jumped up and panicked and that's when I woke up."

Donghyuck freezes, his throat suddenly dry. Is it because of last night? Could this be the universe finally catching up to his distress? He had cried again, and he can't say with confidence that what happened this morning is completely unrelated. Intuition says it is, says that his tears have finally begun to wreak the havoc they were destined to.

He really needs to get a grip of himself.

It's a good thing his first class of the day is Emotion Regulation: Theory and Practice. Maybe he should tell Jaemin after all, since they'll be seeing each other in class. Would he even have time to pull him aside to talk about it? Maybe he should send Sisi to talk to Aya, pass the message along to Jaemin that way.

Would Jaemin be disappointed? He didn't call for him last night even after Sisi suggested to. Would he be angry? Donghyuck has never seen him angry in the years they've known each other, and he would rather the first time not be due to Donghyuck's failures. His heart hurts all over again.

"Hyuck, are you okay?"

Donghyuck's head snaps up and he blinks at Jeno. "Huh? Yeah, why?"

"Oh, you just… You seem distracted." He puts his glasses on and makes his way over to the kitchen, pouring coffee into mugs for the both of them.

"It's nothing," he says with a smile, following after him. He pulls some ingredients out of the fridge for some quick fried rice for breakfast. "I was thinking about Jaemin for a second. Just thought about how I've never seen him angry before."

"Isn't that because he's mastered emotion regulation at a really young age?" Jeno offers, clearing any trash that Donghyuck places on the counter as he cooks. "Before Jaemin I always figured that those who've mastered it are just really zen and emotionless, to be honest."

"Me too." Donghyuck thinks back to the first time he met Jaemin. It's been over a decade now, and he can still remember it clear as day. "Jaemin was like that before, though. When we first met, I didn't even know he could smile. I'm glad he's how he is now, though, even if people find him weird for it. I'd never want to see him lose his smile again. I'm sure everyone who knows him feels the same way."

Jeno hums in reply as Donghyuck finishes cooking. He splits the rice into two bowls, handing Jeno one before taking his own to eat at the table. Jeno sits with him, setting his glasses down when steam fogs the lens.

"Hyuck, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you… Have you ever liked Jaemin? Romantically, I mean."

"Ha?" Donghyuck chokes on his rice as he stares at Jeno. Jeno hands him tissues and retrieves a glass of water for him. Donghyuck coughs a couple of time, fist pounding against his chest. When he calms down, he stares at Jeno. "Where is this coming from?"

"Nothing, I just noticed you guys have gotten really close over the summer, you know?" Jeno stares at his bowl, looking perturbed. "Did something happen at Square or something?"

"No, no, just witch stuff," he says, trying to flash his most convincing smile. It's not exactly a lie considering the whole issue with his tears and all. Still, it's not the whole truth, and misleading Jeno just makes him feel guilty. "Since Jaemin knows a lot more than I do, it's only natural I talk to him, right?"

"Right…" A beat passes in silence. When he looks at Jeno, he still looks deeply troubled. "Is it really something you can't talk to me or Mark about?"

Donghyuck's gaze drops to his lap. "I—I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," Jeno then says. When Donghyuck looks up, he's smiling. "I guess I've just been kind of paranoid ever since you found out about me and Mark. I don't know what I would do if you wanted nothing to do with us anymore."

"Jeno, I promised you, didn't I? I'll always support you no matter what. I'll always be here for you no matter what. I'll always be on your side."

Jeno abruptly stands and walks over to him. He pulls him up and into his arms, holding him tight.

"Jeno?" Donghyuck calls out.

"Sorry, I just—I've been worried, I guess. You're back, but it doesn't feel like you're really here sometimes. I don't know if I'm just overthinking things, but maybe you—maybe you don't feel completely okay with, you know, me and—"

"Oh, Jeno…" he whispers, wrapping his arms around him, stroking his hair. Donghyuck might just be the worst person on the planet. For someone who vowed to love his best friends and be their strength, he's doing the worst job possible. "I'm sorry. I've got so much on my mind and I've ended up making you worry."

"You'll tell us if you're really in trouble, right? We're still best friends, right?"

"Of course."

Jeno pauses, tightening his grip. He doesn't know if the tightness of his chest is from Jeno's grip or the guilt in his heart.

In a small voice, Jeno asks, "You don't hate us?"

"Of course not. I could never."

When Jeno pulls away, he's finally showing Donghyuck that usual bright Jeno smile. He smiles back and cups his cheek, affectionate as his thumb brushes against his skin. Jeno leans into his touch and sighs before returning to his seat, finishing his food with much more energy than before.

He really needs to master his emotions. Now. For the sake of them all.

-

To most, Jaemin's apartment would come as a surprise. For a character as peculiar as Jaemin Na, it's easy to expect odd and quirky décor to adorn his living spaces. One would expect pink and flowers and cute characters, trinkets and knickknacks and novelty items. There's actually barely any of that.

It's largely minimalist, something you would expect from any other modern apartment. Most of it is black and white and glass. The only other thing worth noting is the overwhelming amount of books in his possession. It's almost as if he lives in a library.

"You got new books?" Donghyuck says as he sinks into the couch, picking up one of the books sitting on the coffee table. A novel. Here he thought Jaemin only ever reads spellcasting text. "Damn, you really just read a lot, don't you? Jeno would wag his tail at the sight of all of this."

"Most of them is for spellcasting, though. I doubt those would interest him." Jaemin pulls a book from the shelf, flipping through its pages before returning it to its place. "Oh, actually, I do have books on werewolves that might interest him."

"Where did you even find all of these? Some of those titles are rare. I figured only the Royal Library would have them at this point."

"I'm good at looking for stuff." Jaemin shrugs as he plops down beside him, chewing on a piece of sour candy. "I'm surprised you're here. Usually, you just call for me."

"I needed to get out of my apartment." Donghyuck lies down on Jaemin's lap and Jaemin shares candy with him. "I know I shouldn't feel so damn self-conscious over things we already used to do, like all the affection and stuff, but I still… I don't know. It feels different now."

"I see." He presses another piece of candy to Donghyuck's lips. "Are you sure it's not because of the guilt? They're starting to experience the effects of your tears after all. You cried again without telling me, didn't you?"

Donghyuck abruptly sits up, staring at Jaemin with wide eyes. He doesn't look upset with him, no hint of malice or hostility in his eyes as they look at each other. He should have known that Jaemin would find out, especially since Jaemin a much more powerful witch than he is. Jaemin has read about magic more than he has, studied more than he has. What may be negligible to most would be easily noticeable by someone with as much expertise as Jaemin does.

"So you knew…"

"The little things have been piling up." Jaemin shrugs. "Considering how quickly everything is manifesting, it isn't unlikely that you've shed more tears since the first incidence. They've both been incredibly clumsy and frazzled lately."

"I'm sorry." Donghyuck sighs and slumps in his seat. "I should have told you."

"What's done is done," Jaemin says, pulling him closer and letting him rest his head on Jaemin's shoulder. "I know you're doing your best, Duckie. It's hard, though, isn't it? You want to be with them, but you also don't. I'm sure it's confusing."

He's glad Jaemin isn't lecturing him. Nothing he says will be anything new to him, after all. Donghyuck knows what he has to do. He knows that things will only get worse if he doesn't pull himself together and learn to manage his feelings. Jaemin really is amazing, and Donghyuck can't help but feel bad about all of this.

"I probably sound like a fucking child to you," he whispers, taking Jaemin's hand in his. "After all you've gone through, here I am whining over—"

"Duckie, no," Jaemin interrupts, squeezing his hand. "When it comes to pain and heartbreak, there is no comparing. Your pain may not be the same as mine, but it is still pain that you are allowed to feel. We're all different people with different feelings and different ways to deal with them. Please do not use my life's heartaches to invalidate yours."

Donghyuck's breaths are heavy as he looks up at Jaemin's white ceilings. He's tightly gripping onto Jaemin's hand as he feels his heart clenching in his chest. Jaemin is truly kind, and he's grateful to have him as support during this time.

"I'm going to master this," Donghyuck whispers, staring at a framed picture of Donghyuck and Jaemin on one of the bookshelves. "I'm going to learn everything I can in class and master emotion regulation and get things under wraps."

Jaemin says nothing, instead squeezes his hand as he follows Donghyuck's gaze. "Oh, remember that day?"

"How could I not?" Donghyuck nudges him. "That was the day you finally smiled."

Back when they had first met, Jaemin was still quiet and reserved. He kept to himself, rarely ever smiled, his nose always just buried in books. Despite all of that, he would always come out when they called him out. When Jaemin started smiling again, Donghyuck introduced him to Mark and Jeno, and they've been friends ever since.

"Those were the days," Jaemin says with a nostalgic chuckle. "You helped me a lot back then. I wasn't as composed back then as I am now. I was still in a lot of pain, but you made things easier for me. The least I can do is be here for you now."

"Can I ask something of you, then?" Donghyuck turns to face him, looking him straight in the eye.

"Of course."

"If anything bad happens and I can't be there for them, can you promise to protect them in my stead?"

Shock registers on Jaemin's face. He blinks as Donghyuck takes his hand in both of his, earnest as he faces him. When the surprise settles, Jaemin nods. "I promise."

Donghyuck holds his hand out, determination in his eyes. Jaemin knows what it means, and Donghyuck is thankful that shows no hesitation in taking it. To promise is one thing, but something like this is too important for just that.

"A binding oath, huh?" Jaemin says.

"I'm really serious about it."

"I know."

They chant the spell together, watching as their joined hands begin to glow. Donghyuck's yellow and Jaemin's pink slowly grow brighter and brighter. As they finish the incantation, Donghyuck throws his arms around Jaemin and thanks him over and over.

Jaemin pats him on the back and laughs softly, reassuring him that all will be okay in the end. Donghyuck isn't too sure about that. It all rests on how much progress he makes moving forward. His confidence is shaken, overwhelmed by all of these new feelings he has yet to understand, but he has allies ready when everything falls apart.

When the time comes that he can no longer be with the people he loves, he can entrust everything to Jaemin.

-

The more he sees them, the more the guilt builds in his chest, and Donghyuck has been running out of reasons to decline their invitations to hang out. He can only use Jaemin and Renjun as an excuse so many times before it gets too suspicious.

It's not like Jaemin and Renjun are always free to spend time with him either. He's sure the two of them desire their time alone too, considering the feelings between them. He's not entirely sure what their relationship is exactly, but he knows that there's something there at the very least. He'll ask Jaemin one of these days. It's the least he can do considering he's been the one to hear most about his romantic troubles.

"That's a deep frown on your face, Hyuck," Jeno says as he smoothens out the wrinkle between his eyebrows. "Something troubling you?"

"I'm just thinking about how Jaemin always listens to my problems, but Jaemin never really talks about his problems. Does he ever talk to _you_ guys?"

Jeno's lips twitch ever so slightly before they settle into a smile. "Nah. If he doesn't tell _you_ , he probably won't be telling anyone else."

"Renjun, maybe?" Mark adds, settling himself beside Donghyuck on the couch. "Or if not you two, maybe he talks to his brothers?"

Donghyuck tries not to stiffen as he's sandwiched between the two of them. They always do this when he's around—keep him in the middle, make sure he's included, engage in skinship like he's supposed to be a part of it. They're so considerate of him that it's almost suffocating. It almost feels like they're forcing themselves to keep things as they are.

He's grateful, of course. They're keen on keeping to their word that nothing has to change, but is this even alright? Is it even reasonable to expect things to stay this way? Donghyuck keeps himself from sighing, pushing the thought away at least for until after he's back in his own room.

"Nah, I doubt Jaemin would tell his brothers anything," he finally says, forcing himself to focus on anything other than what's truly nagging at his heart.

"Would Jaemin even answer properly if anyone asks?" Mark leans against him, mouth hovering by the lip of his mug. The smell of coffee wafts through the air, fragrant and oddly placating. "I feel like if we did, he'd just smile or laugh it off and say something entirely unrelated."

Mark offers a sip to Donghyuck, and he gladly accepts. They've been indulging in more hot drinks lately. Mark especially has been drinking more coffee than usual, and Donghyuck can't say that it's entirely due to the changing weather, especially when Mark and Jeno have been plagued by sleepless nights that most likely stem from Donghyuck's turmoil. He'd been thinking he's improved on his control, yet the universe seems to think otherwise.

"How much coffee have you had today?" Donghyuck queries, handing Mark back his mug.

"Uh…" Mark looks to Jeno.

"This is his fourth," Jeno answers for him. "We might have to find other ways to keep you awake. It's getting dangerous."

Donghyuck's throat feels dry. "How so?"

Mark looks away and shrugs. "It'll be fine. I'm trying to adjust my schedule so I can fit some more sleep. Maybe this is just my body's way of saying I'm doing too much."

 _It's not,_ Donghyuck says in his mind. _This is all because of me_.

Ignoring Mark, Jeno turns to Donghyuck. "Renjun said Mark fell asleep during their class together and almost got himself injured."

Donghyuck frowns deeply and forces Mark to face him. "You fell asleep in Advanced Combat?"

Mark refuses to meet his eyes.

"Mark."

"It's nothing, okay? Don't worry about it. I've been overworking since forever ago anyway. Constant training is bound to tire me out eventually. I'll be fine."

If the guilt weren't already eating him alive, it surely is now. The idea of Mark falling asleep at arbitrary times is concerning, especially when it could happen during times of danger as well. With Mark being human, it's not something to take lightly, and he hopes that the misfortune eases soon enough.

Donghyuck turns to Jeno. "And you? Haven't you been foregoing sleep? Are you falling asleep in random places too?"

"More like the opposite." Jeno rests his head against Donghyuck's shoulders. "I can hardly fall asleep no matter what I do."

"That's even more concerning," Mark says. "You know what happens when you go without rest."

Jeno grimaces and sinks further down the couch.

The last time Jeno had foregone proper rest, he had become so cranky that he lost control of his humanity. It was as if the full moon had hit, except he was still in his human form so he remembers everything that happened on his rampage. He took a week off and had to return to his home for a good scolding from his elders, forced into a week-long hibernation by the leader of their pack.

Donghyuck hurriedly types into his phone to send a message to Jaemin, asking for sleep spells that may be able to help. Jaemin responds with pictures of pages from one of his books and a warning.

_If their sleep disturbances are from your distress, not even the most powerful spell can counteract it. Even witches are inferior to the higher powers unseen._

He has to at least try, though. He tells Jaemin this, who replies with, _I know_. They leave their conversation at that.

If it's already like this in the beginning, Donghyuck begins to fear the worst. So when he returns to his bed, he calls for Sisi to bring him all the books on emotion regulation he can find. Donghyuck will keep doing his best so that he can stay here, so that he can still be around Mark and Jeno.

Despite the ache in his heart, he could never truly leave them. It's selfish, Donghyuck knows. At the end of the day, he's trying to protect himself. This is why he doesn't deem himself fit to become the Grand Master everyone says he should be. He doesn't care much for the greater good or the best outcomes for the most people.

At the end of the day, he's just a selfish child with power to fulfill his selfish wishes.

-

It's just as Jaemin said. Not even powerful spells can go against the will of the universe. No matter how many he learns and tries, they all end up failing in one way or another.

The semester is going by so quickly, and he still has yet to find anything to ease Mark's and Jeno's burdens as he figures out how to control his feelings. They look so miserable as everything begins to pile up, and Donghyuck doesn't know what to do to be able to stay by their side. Maybe it's a losing battle, one he still has yet to acknowledge and accept. Stubborn as he is, he never knows when it's truly time to stop and give in.

"Damn, you two look like you're on the verge of death," Yangyang says over lunch one day. "Did you get cursed by a necromancer or something?"

Mark looks over, face dark and gloomy, effects of irregular sleep clear in his eyes. "Who the fuck knows?"

Yangyang sucks in a loud breath through his teeth. "Yikes, you're really going through it, huh? Maybe instead of being cursed, you accidentally pissed off a witch or something. I heard that if they're pissed at you, the universe, like, gets back at you by sending you bad luck."

Donghyuck stills, though he tries to keep his composure. When he looks up at Jaemin, he's calmly just eating like always. He can only wish to be as collected as Jaemin, to have as much control over his emotions that Jaemin does. His classes have been helping him, but it's not enough. His heart keeps hurting, Mark and Jeno keep getting worse, and Donghyuck knows he's running out of time.

"There's a witch thing like that?" Jeno asks, turning toward Donghyuck and Jaemin.

A different voice answers for them, one that startles Donghyuck enough that he drops his chopsticks onto his plate.

"That's only if we cry," he says, wrapping his arms around Jaemin, cheek against his cheek, a bright smile on his face. "Once tears have been shed, the universe pays attention to the witch's heart and takes action. It doesn't usually get bad. Most of the time, it's just little things like being a little more clumsy than normal or losing sleep; little things like that. When the pain continues, though, and the witch can't regulate their emotions or if they cry enough times, it can get pretty devastating."

Their group is silent at first, confused by the sudden appearance.

Then Yangyang says, "Who the fuck are you?"

"Sungchan Jung! Why are you here?" Donghyuck says before Sungchan can reply, laughing softly. "Not that I'm not happy to see you, of course. It's been a while. Don't you go to the private university closer to the border?"

Sungchan grins. "I decided to transfer! Nana didn't tell you?"

Donghyuck turns to Jaemin, who merely shrugs at him. "Figured you'd want to be surprised since this is good news and all. Though, I suppose I probably should have said something considering..." Jaemin trails off and nods in Mark and Jeno's direction. Like usual, they're glowering at Sungchan.

Yangyang raises an eyebrow. "What's with them?"

Sungchan smiles as he moves to occupy the empty seat beside Jaemin. Jaemin reaches over to pat him on the head. "Oh, that's because they don't like me."

Mark and Jeno look startled, eyes wide as though they hadn't expected that Sungchan would know. It's incredibly obvious that they aren't very fond of him. Even Donghyuck is aware despite them not having said anything to him.

Donghyuck has been acquainted with the Jungs since he was a baby, and with Sungchan born only a year after him, it was only natural for them to develop a rather amicable relationship. They're family friends, and he would always spend time with them whenever he would visit Square. Back then, he would visit more frequently since his caretakers were in charge of his schedule. After he turned eighteen, Donghyuck's visits had become incredibly limited.

When he first introduced Sungchan to Mark and Jeno, he already knew that his best friends didn't view him with the same affection that Donghyuck does. They're kind, of course, so they always remain civil when speaking with him no matter the circumstance. Still, it's not necessarily a surprise if someone did say that they didn't really like him.

"It's not that—" Mark begins to say, but he stops himself.

Sungchan shakes his head, waves a dismissive hand with his usual doe-eyed smile. "It's okay, I've accepted it. Besides, I'm happy so long as I have Duckie and my brother. Nothing else matters."

"So you're really transferring?" Donghyuck asks, ignoring the disgruntled muttering from beside him. "Your parents finally allowed you to attend after all this time? How much did you annoy them?"

"I didn't!" Sungchan pouts, eyes narrowed. It only lasts for a second. "I was whining about it again when I went home for the weekend, and Jaehyun eventually agreed to help me convince mom and dad."

"So, basically, you annoyed Jaehyun, not your parents."

"Pretty much!" Sungchan singsongs, looking pleased with himself.

Sungchan is rather attached to Jaemin. Dare he even say that he's overprotective, too. It's a nice thing to witness considering how their relationship first began. Back when the Jungs had first taken Jaemin in, both Jung children were apprehensive about letting him into their family. Jaehyun was distant for the most part, and Sungchan took a good amount of time to warm up to him. After a while, though, they both eventually grew to love him, and have been doting on him ever since.

As Yangyang and Sungchan begin to converse, Donghyuck peers over at Mark and Jeno, who have become so quiet that it's concerning. He knows they didn't exactly like Sungchan, but he didn't think it would be to the point that they'd look this grim over his arrival.

"You think Sungchan might be the one we pissed off?" Jeno whispers under his breath. Only Mark and Donghyuck were able to hear.

"That guy wouldn't cry over us," Mark responds, equally quiet.

Donghyuck says nothing, merely focuses on his food as conversation flows all around him. Even though the two aren't pleased, Donghyuck feels somewhat relieved. With his predicament, he can at least have another witch in his corner. Maybe Sungchan can help him out too somehow.

Wishful thinking, he knows. If Jaemin can't help, who's to say anyone else other than Donghyuck's own father can? Still, it's worth a try. If anything, he'll at least have someone to be with should Jaemin and Renjun want time by themselves.

-

Donghyuck and Sungchan decide to walk together after lunch. Donghyuck has no more classes for the day, and Sungchan's classes don't start until next week. He figures he could give a quick tour, though it's not quite the exact reason that Donghyuck offers. With Sungchan here, he has another friend he can depend.

He's always a bright person, probably influenced by Jaemin when he began to come out of his shell all those years ago. Sungchan holds both his brothers in high regard, and it's evident in the way he carries himself. Pieces of Jaemin and Jaehyun are woven into his being, like an invisible string that tethers them all together no matter what the future has in store for them.

"They're still as overprotective of you as ever, huh?" Sungchan says, stretching his arms out, a lazy smile on his face. They've begun their trek down the building for witches, accessible only through a basic entry spell. "They looked like they wanted to kill me and I wasn't even next to you or anything."

"I had no idea your relationship with them is bad enough to warrant such responses from them," says Donghyuck, looking over with his eyes narrowed. "What exactly is the matter that you three don't get along?"

"If they haven't told you already, I won't either." He hums, and Donghyuck rolls his eyes in irritation. "Man, some things really don't change, huh? After all this time, they're still such selfish boys wanting to keep you all to themselves. I want my Duckie time too."

Sungchan wraps his arms around him and waddles behind him as they walk. Donghyuck can't help but laugh. Sungchan towers over him, yet he still acts like the little boy he grew up with. Always attached to him, always affectionate. It's a warm feeling, a nice break from the darkness that's been swirling in his heart.

"Sungchan," he says, tone more serious. "Tell me the real reason you're here. There must be something that's bothered you enough to seek Jaehyun for help."

Sungchan detaches himself from Donghyuck's back and halts in his step. The smile on his face has dissolved into a concerning frown, one that tugs at Donghyuck's chest. The way Sungchan's expression settles on his face is kind of ominous.

"I was worried about Jaemin," Sungchan says. He rarely ever shows the serious side of himself to anyone, especially when he wants to mirror Jaemin's ever so pleasant demeanor.

Donghyuck stares at him, watches as his eyes color with something he's seen before. It goes beyond concern or worry; it's fear. Of what exactly? Donghyuck doesn't know.

"You're always worried about him."

"I know," he says, lips curling upwards albeit only slightly. "I just have a feeling he needs me. Or he _will_ need me. It's hard to explain. I just feel like I need to be here and be closer to him for something."

"Are you sure it's not just your brother complex missing him too much?"

Sungchan makes a face at him. "If you had an amazing brother like Jaemin, you would love him as much as I do too!"

Donghyuck laughs softly and pats him on the shoulder. "Hey now, he doesn't need to be my brother for me to love him. Jaemin is dear to me too."

They chuckle as they resume walking, feet just taking them in any random direction. The whole building tour is just a façade, and Donghyuck knows Sungchan can tell as much.

After walking in silence for a while, they find themselves in one of the student lounges. They take a seat by the window, and Donghyuck sighs as he sits down on the comfortable chair. The privileges of being a witch, he supposes. He's heard that the human student lounges aren't as comfortable.

"So," Sungchan says, looking at him with a serious look on his face. "It's you, isn't it?"

Donghyuck freezes. "How do you mean?"

"They're miserable. Mark and Jeno, I mean. They made you cry, didn't they?"

Donghyuck flashes him a stiff smile. "Was I obvious?"

Sungchan deadpans at him. "Who else could it be? The fact that it's affecting the both of them is proof enough, don't you think? Though, I mean, if there were another witch who were in love with both of them, it could be possible, but I really doubt it."

So Donghyuck tells him the whole story. How he had come home toward the end of summer and found them kissing. How his heart had broken and he cried that night. How Jaemin has kept it a secret this entire time, still allowing him time to do something about it. How the guilt is building and building and building—not just toward Mark and Jeno, but toward everyone who's been involved.

"I'll probably feel guilty toward you now that you know," Donghyuck says, staring at the patterns of the wall in the lounge.

"I can't say much about the others, but I do know that Jaemin is always thinking a hundred steps ahead. If he hasn't reported you, he has something in mind. What it is, we'll never really know until it happens. I just know that he does things for reasons."

"You have a lot of faith in Jaemin."

"You don't?"

"I do."

They fall silent. Donghyuck can hear the bustle from outside the room, the faint chatter as students walk by. Now is one of those times when Donghyuck wishes he knew what Jaemin was thinking. Wouldn't it be easier on everyone if he reported Donghyuck already? Does he really have that much faith in Donghyuck? That Donghyuck can actually do this?

"Hey Sungchan… Do you think they know? Mark and Jeno, I mean."

Sungchan looks over at him, a small smile on his lips. "Yeah, probably."

Donghyuck laughs bitterly at the idea. If they know, why don't they say something about it? Is this yet another thing they're enduring for his sake?"

He laughs bitterly. "I don't know what to do."

Sungchan nudges him lightly with his elbow, a cheeky grin on his face. "Wanna date me to get back at them? Since they don't like me, they'll absolutely throw a fit."

Donghyuck snorts. "If I ever get over my feelings for them, I'll give you a call."

-

Sungchan's arrival caused a shift in their little group. Even Renjun, who doesn't really make any effort to get to know other people, has been talking to him fairly regularly. Donghyuck wouldn't be surprised if it's to learn more about Jaemin, though.

With him and Jaemin now living together, most of the time they spend together are now over there. Sungchan hasn't really changed anything in the apartment, though his room is a lot more colorful compared to the monochromatic scheme of the rest of the place. Jaemin offered to clear Sungchan's room of the books he has in there, but Sungchan said he could leave them. He's curious about the things Jaemin reads anyway.

"Mark and Jeno not coming?" Renjun asks she searches the fridge for something to eat. From the looks of it, he's probably come over enough times that he's already made himself at home here. "Oh wait, yeah, they hate Sungchan's guts."

"Hate is a strong word," Donghyuck says. "Honestly, I still don't get why the three of them don't get along. None of them want to tell me the reason either. Every time I ask, Mark and Jeno would brush it off and this idiot—" Donghyuck flicks Sungchan on the forehead. "—just smiles and shrugs."

Renjun snorts. "I have an idea."

Donghyuck twists to look at him as he returns to the living room, leaving Jaemin cooking in the kitchen. "Tell me."

"Nah, I don't think so."

Donghyuck frowns. "You're insufferable."

"Have you forgotten I thrive in your misery?"

"Asshole."

Renjun blows him a kiss with an impassive look on his face. The juxtaposition between such an affectionate motion and the look on Renjun's face makes him laugh. What an amusing guy. Donghyuck hopes that with Sungchan's arrival, Renjun and Jaemin have made progress on whatever it is that's between them.

"What about Yangyang?" asks Sungchan. "Haven't seen him in a while."

"He's out with Chenle. They want a grand party for this weekend." Renjun stretches his legs out on the couch, idly twirling a pen between his fingers. "I'm thinking of going."

Donghyuck raises an eyebrow. "That's new. You never willingly go to those things."

"We should go!" Sungchan says, excitement glimmering in his eyes. He clasps his hands together, lips stretched into a smile. "The parties back in my old school were so fucking boring. I want to have fun and get drunk and maybe make out with a stranger or something."

Donghyuck bursts out laughing. "Damn, how thirsty are you? Yang and Lele's party is a good place for that, though. You should go, I'm going to stay home and study."

"Lame." Sungchan wrinkles his nose. "I get it though. Still haven't figured out why the universe is still out to get them, huh?"

"Unfortunately."

Donghyuck hasn't worked this hard in a while, yet the more he works, the worse things get. He doesn't understand any of it, and it's getting so frustrating that he's afraid he's going to end up lashing out on someone one of these days. It's part of the reason he's been spending more time with Jaemin—not that he would ever want to lash out at Jaemin, but more that he's one of the only people who could deal with him if it ever comes to that. He wouldn't want to burden Jeno and Mark, especially when their plates are already full because of him.

Jaemin returns to the living room with food for them to snack on. Sungchan and Renjun are talking about random things again while Jaemin grabs a book from his shelf. Maybe it's just Donghyuck, but he looks kind of… unsettled. There's a wrinkle between his eyebrows as he reads, and it tells Donghyuck that he's probably not paying attention to the book as much as he seems to be.

It isn't until Renjun goes home and Sungchan retreats to his room that Donghyuck asks.

"What's going on, Nana?"

Jaemin looks up at him, a gentle smile on his face. He closes his book and places it back on the shelf before turning to him. "How are you feeling?"

Donghyuck blinks at him, puzzled. He answers anyway. "Like shit, but that's nothing new. I'm getting so desperate. I've read the entire textbook and a couple of the books you have here on regulation, I'm doing the practice exercises, I'm following all the instructions. Nothing's happening! Shit still happens! Mark and Jeno are going to get hurt!"

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. It's at this time that he sees the expression that settles on Jaemin's face. Gone are the usual smiles that bring him comfort even on the darkest days. He's staring intently at Donghyuck, eyes filled with an intensity he'd never seen before.

"They are."

"Wha—What are you—" Color drains from Donghyuck's face, his hands turning cold. His throat feels dry, words failing him as he settles on silence.

"The reason," Jaemin says, "is because you're not regulating your emotions at all. You're avoiding them, pushing them aside, ignoring what it is you truly feel. It's getting worse, Donghyuck, because the universe knows your true heart, and it's going to act whether or not _you_ do."

Donghyuck stares back at him, his heart pounding, clenching in his chest. He balls his fists tightly, knuckles turning white from the pressure. All of this work was for nothing? All he had been doing was for nothing? What was the point of letting him go on thinking that he was making a difference?

He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand any of this. What is he supposed to do then? Wasn't he already dealing with his feelings? If all of his efforts have been to evade, then how exactly is he supposed to deal with it all? He doesn't understand.

"My head hurts," he whispers. "I'm so confused right now, Nana. I don't—I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing. Why can't you just tell me what to do? Just tell me what to do, please!"

Jaemin walks over and sits beside him, taking his face in his hands. His gaze is soft again, caring again. "Be honest with yourself, Duckie. You know what you need to do. You know what must be done."

"I'm not as strong as you, Nana… I'm fucking terrified."

"I'm also terrified every day," he says, offering him a small smile. "It's normal to be afraid when you have so much to lose. But you're a lot stronger than you think, Duckie. You always have been."

-

Donghyuck returns to his own room with a heavy heart. His resolve is slowly breaking, slowly piecing away until all that's left of him are questions without answers. Jaemin keeps saying he believes in him, keeps saying Donghyuck already knows what to do. Does he? Wouldn't he have done it already by now if he truly did?

He sighs and collapses on his bed. Sisi stares at him, understandably worried, but he says nothing. He curls up beside Donghyuck, keeping close to him, fur soft against his skin. Donghyuck reaches over to pet him as glassy eyes gaze up at the ceiling.

 _Be honest with yourself, Duckie_. Jaemin's voice rings in his ears, words playing over and over and over again, a broken record in his mind that builds and builds and builds onto the weight against his chest.

Be honest. Be honest. Be honest… About what? Hasn't he already been honest? His heart is broken. His best friends are in love, and they're leaving him behind. He's jealous and selfish and incredibly irresponsible. He can't make up his goddamned mind about what to do—whether to return to Square or stubbornly stay here, whether to remove himself completely or keep acting like a foolish martyr like he is now.

He doesn't want to part with them, yet he's insistent on giving them space. He wants them to stay as they are, yet he cowers away anytime they act like usual. What's wrong with him? Why is he so torn and indecisive? Why is love so complicated?

He should have never fallen in love. Maybe that's the real lesson to learn here. He should have never fallen in love with the two people he never wants to lose. The more he holds on, the worse they become.

It's becoming an ongoing cycle of misfortune and guilt and it's driving him crazy. Nothing makes sense anymore. Even Jaemin doesn't make sense anymore. He keeps playing everything in his head, every single thing Jaemin's told him throughout this whole ordeal.

"Sisi," he calls out, reaching over to hold him. A small, sad smile tugs at his lips. "Why didn't Jaemin report me? Why is he still not reporting me? I don't get it. After everything that's happened, shouldn't he have reported me already?"

"Did you want him to report you?"

Donghyuck doesn't know. Did he? Maybe on some level, he did. If Jaemin had reported him, he didn't have to make a choice. He would have been summoned back to his coven and made to deal with it among the witches. If Jaemin had reported him, maybe he wouldn't be so conflicted. There wouldn't be anything to be conflicted about after all.

Oh…

 _Oh_.

Donghyuck sits up, fingers curled into his sheets, his heart rapidly beating, rapping against his ribcage. His chest feels heavy, his stomach queasy as though ready to burst at any moment. Sungchan's voice fills his mind.

_If he hasn't reported you, he has something in mind._

"Oh fucking hell, Nana," Donghyuck says through gritted teeth. "Cruel bitch really wanted me to learn to make decisions on my own, huh?"

Donghyuck groans into his hands, head pounding and as much as his heart. Jaemin doesn't make sense until he does—he's learned this after knowing him all these years.

-

His thoughts run through his mind until he's so exhausted that he wants to just disappear forever. He's so deep in his thoughts that he doesn't even realize he's not home alone anymore. He doesn't hear Jeno calling for him, doesn't even realize that he's already in the room.

He doesn't realize until he's joined in his bed, strong arms wrapping around him, and his thoughts are soon replaced by Jeno and his scent.

"J-Jeno?" He blinks, instinctively returning the hug.

"Donghyuck," Jeno says, gripping onto him tightly. Donghyuck startles as he realizes that he's shaking. "Donghyuck…"

"Jeno? What's—What's wrong? Are you—"

His eyes widen as Jeno pulls away and he's met with a tearful gaze and quivering lips, grip on his shoulders tight. It hurts; Jeno always forgets his own strength when he's emotional. But more than his shoulders, his heart feels like tearing itself apart. He caused this. He's sure of it.

"Donghyuck, I miss you."

"W-well, I'm here," he offers, reaching out to brush his tears away. He tries his best to smile, but he knows that it won't do much. Jeno looks so pained, and Donghyuck knows that there's no one else to blame but himself. He did this.

Jeno's tears continue to fall. When his grip loosens, Donghyuck shifts to sit up, rubbing at the pain in his shoulder. Jeno holds his head in his hands, sniffling as he continues to shake. Donghyuck places a hand on his back, give slow smooth strokes to soothe him if even just a little bit.

"Hyuck, would you… Would you come back to us if Mark and I just broke up?"

Donghyuck's movements halt halfway, his heart leaping to his throat. Jeno looks at him, tears streaming down his face. He looks so distraught, so anguished, and Donghyuck doesn't know what to do. He's such an asshole. This is his fault.

"Jeno…"

"Will everything go back to normal if we don't date anymore? If we just go back to being friends? Would you come back to us then?"

Donghyuck feels his emotions start to overwhelm him. The sight of Jeno this way always hurts his heart in ways more devastating than he would ever think possible. As a werewolf subject to volatility, he always keeps his emotions at bay, especially when he knows that his strength can hurt people otherwise.

"Jeno, what are you even saying? I'm… I'm here, aren't I?"

Jeno rubs at his eyes. He still cries like he did when he was still just a young boy. "Are you, though? You're drifting further and further away and I just—I can't understand why. We barely see you anymore, and when we're together, you're mostly just talking to Jaemin or Sungchan or Renjun. Even Yangyang talks to you more nowadays!"

Donghyuck feels his whole body shudder when Jeno raises his voice. He wants to say something, but nothing comes out. All he can do is listen and accept the consequences of his own actions. If Jeno wants to yell at him, he has every right to. Donghyuck deserves it anyway.

"If this is all because of me and Mark, we'll break up. If it means you'll come back to us and we can be a trio again, we'll break up!"

"Jeno, don't say that… You love Mark, don't you? A-and Mark loves you, right?"

Donghyuck shouldn't have come home tonight. He should have just stayed at Jaemin's. Hell, he should have just moved out the moment he found out. Jeno pulls him in for another hug. Donghyuck wants to move away, but Jeno holds him tightly. There's no way he can break away from his group without using magic at this point, and he would never use offensive spells against Jeno no matter the circumstance.

"You guys should have time together as a couple," Donghyuck mumbles. Who is he even trying to convince at this point? He can say all these nice things, pretend that his reasons are for something so noble, but it's just as Jaemin says—the universe knows the truth, and it's acting accordingly. "I-it's hard to do couple things when I'm around, right? Because you keep wanting to include me…"

Jeno is shivering as he holds him, his forehead resting on Donghyuck's shoulder. He's sniffling, shaking his head, desperately reassuring Donghyuck that he and Mark always want him there. He and Mark always want Donghyuck with them.

It's so unfair… so so unfair that he's saying things like this. How is he supposed to feel? How is he supposed to be taking all of this? Donghyuck wants to cry, but he knows he can't. He shouldn't. He has no right to after everything that's happened because of him.

"I'm sorry, Jeno," he whispers, stroking his hair, holding in his tears. "I'm sorry I've been so distant. I'm sorry. This is all my fault. Please don't cry because of me. I'm so sorry."

Donghyuck can't do anything other than offer his apologies as Jeno cries in his arms. He hears Jaemin's voice in his head again. _Be honest with yourself, Duckie_. Be honest. He has to be honest about why he's acting the way he's acting. He has to be honest about how he really feels.

"I'm sorry, Jeno," he says once more as Jeno slumps in his arms. He's tired from crying—that much he can tell. "Lie down and rest. You can stay in my room tonight."

Jeno lies down, and Donghyuck tucks him in, wiping away the last of his tears. Jeno clings to his sleeve, refusing to let go. "I feel like you're going to run away to Jaemin's if I let go. I don't want to let go."

Donghyuck breathes in and takes Jeno's hand in his, mustering the most genuine smile he can. "Please get some rest, Jeno. You've been really tired lately, right? Get some sleep."

 _Please, universe,_ he prays in his mind. _Please allow him this rest. Please just let him fall asleep._

Like this, he sits with Jeno until he allows sleep to take him, gripping his hand tightly.

-

He's grateful that Jeno eventually falls asleep, tucked comfortably in Donghyuck's bed with Sisi keeping a watchful eye on him. He casts a spell for peaceful sleep before he steps out of the room. He's not entirely sure if it would make a difference, but he does it just in case. At this point, everything that he does is all _just in case_. He sees that now.

A chasm cracks in the ground, and Renjun rises from the darkness. He doesn't say his usual greeting. No uttered "boo" to announce his arrival. He's upset about something, maybe. Donghyuck doesn't really know. His shoulders sag as he lies down on the couch, and Renjun takes the armchair adjacent to him.

"What, no greeting?" Donghyuck weakly attempts to quip. When he looks over, Renjun's eyes are glowing as expected. "How frightening."

"He's taking everything to heart," Renjun says. "Mark too."

Donghyuck laughs listlessly as he shields his eyes with his arm, lips settling into a bitter smile. It slowly fades, and what's left on his face is a pained expression he doesn't deserve to make. "I know," he says quietly. "You don't have to tell me that. I know."

"What are you going to do now, then?"

Donghyuck sits up and looks at Renjun. Renjun really does look frightening in the darkness like this, his eyes the only light in the room. He can see his silhouette because of his eyes, unmoving on the chair.

"I don't know," Donghyuck grits out. "I don't—I don't get it. I don't understand anything. Everything's so fucking confusing. Why is he saying shit like this? Why do they both keep insisting on us being _three_? S-shouldn't they be happy to have alone time?"

"Would you be happy?"

Donghyuck blinks. "What?"

"Would you be happy if your best friend, the one who swore to be by your side, starts becoming distant? If this guy, someone who swore to never leave you, starts feeling so far away even though they're right here, would you be happy? If it had been you dating Mark and Jeno started disappearing, would you be happy?"

"They already feel distant."

Renjun snorts, folding his arms against his chest. Even his outline looks displeased. "Why do you think that is? Didn't you do this to yourself?"

"Shut up," he hisses. "You don't know anything, Renjun. You don't understand anything."

"Don't I, though?" Renjun rises to his feet, steps closer to Donghyuck. Like this, he feels the menacing aura that's typical of his race. "I've been here this entire time, haven't I? Jaemin is too nice to say this to you directly and wants you to realize your bullshit on your own, but I'm getting really pissed off by how stupid this all is. Weren't you the one afraid of things changing? Weren't you the one afraid to be left behind? Then why are you the one changing things? Why are you the one leaving them?"

"Shut up, Renjun."

Renjun scoffs. When his head shifts, light from the window casts a shadow on his face. He's smirking, his eyes blue and cold. "Just food for thought, Donghyuck Lee. How long are you going to hide behind your own lies and drag everyone into your mess? How long are you going to evade your responsibility as a witch? Your responsibility to those you claim to love?"

Donghyuck bites down on his jaw, fists clenched tightly. "What's this? I thought you thrive in my misery?"

"Oh, I do." Renjun steps even closer, leaning in until they've come face to face. "What Jeno and Mark are to you is what Jaemin is to me. We're friends, Donghyuck, but make no mistake, I will not keep staying idle if Jaemin is in pain. You know better than anyone that he will somehow take responsibility for _your_ mistakes, and I will not stand for it."

Donghyuck finds himself smiling as they look into each other's eyes. Not an appropriate time to think about these things, but he's glad to know how Renjun truly feels about Jaemin—even if it is through a threat against him.

"Good to know you're in love with him," Donghyuck says, reaching over to pat Renjun on the shoulder. "I was starting to worry Jaemin had an unrequited love or something."

His words take Renjun aback, his expression shifting and he takes a step backward. "Fuck off, dude. Just get your shit together already. Worry less about me and Jaemin and more about your own bullshit."

Renjun disappears into the ground without another word, the shadows following after him.

-

Everything feels like pain. Jeno is still fast asleep, and Renjun has already disappeared. What more does this night have in store for him? What else is waiting for him as the night grows deeper and deeper? He maintains his place on the couch, just sitting in the shadows, mirroring the darkness in his own heart.

He really is weak. Surpass his father? Become the next Grand Master? It's laughable, really. He's weak and pathetic and so incredibly lacking that he doesn't understand how his supposed destiny even came to be. If it hasn't already, it's surely changed now.

He rises to his feet and makes his way over to the kitchen. Maybe cooking something for Mark and Jeno would help clear his thoughts, even if it would be temporary. So he pulls random ingredients from the fridge, casts a spell of silence to keep anything from waking Jeno as he moves about the kitchen.

He glances at his watch, lips pressed into a thin line. It's approaching midnight, and Mark still hasn't returned. His chest momentarily tightens at the thought of Mark in trouble. Had he fallen asleep somewhere? Is he in danger? Should he send Sisi to look for him? It's unlike Mark to be out this late, after all. He usually goes home immediately after classes end.

Donghyuck pauses. Does he even know what Mark usually does now? It's not like he's been around much lately to know.

Their routines could have changed already in Donghyuck's absence.

Right as he thinks to summon Sisi, the door opens and Mark walks in. Donghyuck breathes out a sigh of relief, but Mark looks like he's bothered by something. They share a gaze for a quiet moment before Mark disappears into his room, and Donghyuck turns back to the food that's already finished.

He's quietly packing everything into one of the takeout containers they've saved when Mark comes back to the kitchen, expression unchanging as he watches Donghyuck work. Donghyuck wants to scream. It's so awkward, and the atmosphere is so heavy that he has half a mind to escape and just disappear to somewhere else.

Then Mark begins to speak, and Donghyuck still feels like screaming.

"Are you done avoiding us?" Mark asks, voice low and cold.

Donghyuck swallows the lump forming in his throat, placing the freshly packed food into the fridge. He can't help but wonder if they've been eating properly lately. Donghyuck usually fusses over their meals, makes sure they eat enough to get through the day. Jeno needs more to sustain him, so Donghyuck would make larger portions for him.

"What are you talking about?" Donghyuck says weakly, refusing to look at Mark.

"Do you really think I don't know you after all these years?" Mark is angry. This much is obvious.

"I—I'm not avoiding you." So he's just going to blatantly lie now. This is what his weak will decides on.

"Why do you keep lying to us?" Mark grabs his wrist and pulls him close, frigid stare sending shivers down Donghyuck's spine. He hates this. He hates this so much. "We told you that nothing had to change, right? Why are you putting this much distance between us? Jeno's miserable, I'm miserable. Hell, even you look miserable! Do you really hate the idea of me and Jeno together that much?"

Donghyuck's eyes widen, his heart shaking violently in his chest. "It's not that, Mark. It's—"

"We love you and want you with us. What part of that do you not understand?"

"All of it!" Donghyuck yells, breaking away from Mark's grasp. "I don't understand anything! Why are you miserable? You two have alone time! You get to be a couple! Why is that so upsetting to you? Why is it so bad that I—that I—"

Oh no… Oh no… Tears are welling up in his eyes, and he doesn't know if he'd be able to hold them back this time. Everything about this night is overwhelming. Overwhelming doesn't even begin to describe the emotions that have been accumulating throughout the night. First Jaemin, then Jeno, then Renjun… Now Mark.

He needs to stop, needs to leave and distract himself, but he can't move. His heart has taken control, no room for rational thought now that he's been confronted and made to face the truth he's been so keen on avoiding.

"W-why do you insist on including me?" Donghyuck's voice breaks as he looks at Mark.

Mark grits his teeth and pulls Donghyuck into his arms, holding him tightly like Jeno did before he fell asleep. "It isn't right without you. Why can't you see that, Hyuck?" He pulls away just enough to to be able to look into each other's eyes.

"Stop, Mark," he says, looking down at his feet. "Just stop it already."

Mark tilts his chin up and their eyes meet again. "Be honest with me, Hyuck. Do you have feelings for Jeno?"

Donghyuck's eyes widen, expletives running through his mind. "What?"

"Or maybe… do you have feelings for me?"

"What the fuck are you even saying right now?" Donghyuck feels so exposed, so naked under the weight of Mark's gaze. He wants to look away, but he can't bring himself to. All he feels is the stab in his chest as the tears threaten to fall down his face.

"If I'm wrong, just tell me. If I'm way off base, tell me off right now. Tell me I'm out of my goddamned mind to think that you're doing this because of feelings."

"Shut up! Just shut up! What does it matter?!" Donghyuck bellows as his tears finally fall. He tries to wrench himself away from Mark's hold, but it doesn't work. "So what if I do? Will that change anything?"

"Of course it will, you fucking idiot! So just tell me if you do. Just be honest, Donghyuck, please!"

"Mark, let go."

"No!"

"Let go!"

"Not until you answer!"

Like this, every wall crumbles and his heart is left on full display. It's too late now. There's no going back. If he's going to leave anyway, he might as well throw all caution to the wind. The universe is listening, it sees his tears and the agony in his heart.

"Fine," he says, tearful eyes looking straight into Mark's.

And then he kisses him.

-

"Nana… Nana, help me…"

He teleports, runs to Jaemin's apartment almost immediately. He grips onto Jaemin's shirt as he begins to sob, barely able to keep himself standing.

"Duckie, what—" He holds him up, wipes away his tears as he examines his face. "Donghyuck, we have to go back to Square _now_."

"I—I know," he whimpers, finding what's left in the strength in his legs to stand. "I'm sorry I didn't leave sooner. I'm sorry I'm such an idiot and—I'm sorry, Nana. I'm so sorry."

"Do you have your crystal? We need to go."

He's only barely wrapped his hand around the crystal in his pocket when Renjun materializes in front of them, out of breath and distraught.

"Renjun, are you—"

"We need you!" The distress on Renjun's face is so surprising that both Jaemin and Donghyuck are stunned silent for a moment. "Jeno fucking transformed and he's on a fucking rampage. Sungchan's holding him off right now, but it's only a matter of time until others start attacking him."

Donghyuck's entire body goes cold, all the strength leaves his legs, and he falls to his knees..

Jaemin takes his face in his hands and looks him in the eye. "Donghyuck, go back to Square. I'll handle this. It's going to be okay."

Donghyuck nods quietly, sniffling as he wipes the tears from his face. "P-please protect him. Nana, you're the only one I trust to—"

"I know." Jaemin flashes him a caring smile. "I made an oath. I'll protect him, I promise. Just please go back to Square. I'll come see you afterwards and let you know."

He says nothing more as his fingers curl around the crystal, eyes closing as the light envelops him. Before he's swallowed by the light, he hears Jaemin tell his familiar to send a report to the Council. Donghyuck is in trouble, he knows. Would Jaemin be reprimanded for this too? What about Sungchan?

When he the light releases him by the gate, his father is already there to greet him. Donghyuck can't do anything but stare at his feet and wait for what's to become him. His father says nothing, just stands before him with his back straight. Right now, he isn't Donghyuck's father. He is the Grand Master of all witches, the most powerful man in their realm.

And Donghyuck has disappointed him.

He's escorted into Square Palace, the old royal mansion that's been converted as the central government building. He's only been there a couple of times, but it's still as imposing as ever. The mood in the building seems grim, which is expected considering what's happened in The Capital. Donghyuck walks in silence, follows instructions without saying a word. He sits down in an empty meeting room as the Council meets to discuss.

He openly weeps, sobs into his palms as every emotion spills over and devastates him, batters him until he's left broken and bleeding heartbreak into his hands. It's okay to cry here, it's okay to let go here. His magic is contained within the borders of the realm, and he can't hurt Jeno or Mark while he's here.

What kind of punishment awaits him once the Council summons him? He would assume a strict sentence is awaiting him considering his status. As the son of the current Grand Master, he should know better than to have let things go on as they did. It's not as though the laws are foreign to him. For witches who intend to reside on earth, they're required to pass an exam that shows understanding of witch laws.

He really is weak. An absolute imbecile. At the end of the day, he _does_ know better. Of course he does. But he overestimated his own capabilities, and now others are suffering as a result. He'll accept whatever punishment they deem fit. If they revoke his permit to live on earth, then so be it. It's what he deserves anyway.

A witch who isn't mature enough to know when to return doesn't deserve to live among others.

"How would mom and dad react, though?" he whispers to himself. Surely the Grand Master's response would be different from his father's. If anything, he's more of afraid of how he'll react as his father than as the Grand Master. Business is business, law is law.

Family, on the other hand…

Donghyuck hangs his head low, watches as his tears drop to his hands. Hot. They're so hot against his skin. He's so ashamed, so so ashamed. There are no excuses for this, no way to justify the destruction he's caused. How did Jaemin get through something like this? He somewhat understands, though not completely. There's no true understanding when their circumstances are different.

Is everything going okay on earth? Is Jeno alright? Where's Mark? Are either of them hurt? No, he's sure they're safe. Jaemin would make sure they're safe. They swore an oath, and Jaemin is the best person to keep them safe. He's sure they're okay.

No thanks to him…

_Do you have feelings for Jeno?_

_Do you have feelings for me?_

Donghyuck can't breathe. Mark's face flashes in his mind, and Donghyuck just wants to disappear forever. What was that? Why would he ask that? Why would that matter now?

He laughs bitterly as more tears fall, shaking his head. He's afraid of losing their friendship. That must be it. That must be why they're trying to act as if… as if…

His fists clench tightly as he continues to laugh. This is ridiculous. They don't have to do that. They don't have to pretend. They don't have to come up with lies like that. It's okay, he'll come around. Donghyuck will eventually be okay. They don't have to pretend.

He made a promise when they were young. He will always be there for them no matter what. They don't have to feed him lies like that.

Time apart is good. This is for the best, isn't it? It's best for everyone that he's finally back in Square. Maybe he should just stay here for good.

-

He stares up at his bedroom ceiling. When he arrived, it was still bright. His mother decorated it with cheerful colors as an attempt to calm him after the meeting with the Council. Jaemin was already there when he was summoned, already explaining the events of the day to the High Elders present. Anyone would cower in fear in the presence of all the High Elders, but not Jaemin. Jaemin held his chin up as he spoke, unblinking and unafraid.

He was trying to cover for him by keeping his report limited to Jeno's transformation, but Donghyuck interfered. He's not going to hide behind Jaemin's kindness any longer.

Like Renjun predicted, Jaemin tried to take responsibility for not having come forward sooner. When Renjun's face flashed in his mind, eyes filled with silent fury, he interrupted Jaemin's report to tell the story from the very beginning.

He sighs, a flash of light escaping his fingertips to drown the ceiling in black. This is more fitting a color.

"They're safe and asleep," Jaemin says as soon as he materializes in his room. Donghyuck sits up and scoots over to make room for him, and Jaemin sits down beside him. "Sungchan's watching them right now. They'll probably throw a fit when his face is the first thing they see when they wake up. They'll probably sleep for a while, though. Some of the High Elders are planning on visiting them."

"Don't hold back, Nana." Donghyuck draws his knees to his chest. "Yell at me, please."

"I won't." Jaemin plucks a doll from the line of plushies on Donghyuck's bed and hugs it. "You don't need me to anyway."

"Mark got injured too, huh?"

"He was already unconscious when I got there, but I'm assuming he was the first to take action. I'll ask them when they wake up, assuming the Council doesn't wipe their memories."

Donghyuck leans against Jaemin with yet another sigh. "Jeno won't remember. He doesn't remember anything during transformations—not usually, anyway. I don't know if it still applies when it's not the full moon."

"Do you want me to pass on a message?"

"Just that… I'm sorry," he says softly, pulling away to look at Jaemin. "And, uh, I know that this is just another selfish thing of me to ask, but I need another favor of you. I have no right, I know, I just—"

"What are you talking about? You're a dear friend to me. There are no limits to how much you can ask of me, okay?"

Donghyuck smiles. He doesn't deserve his friends' kindness. "Please don't bring them here. Please don't tell them how to get here. I know them—they're going to try. They're—They're afraid that they're going to lose me as a friend, and they're going to try to come here. Please don't tell them anything."

They stare at each other in silence, and he's sure that there are a lot of thoughts running through his mind. Whatever they may be, Donghyuck is relieved when he doesn't say any of them out loud. Instead, he asks, "Are you sure?"

Donghyuck nods without any hesitation. "I'm sure. I think… I think it's best that we're apart now. I want to be with them, but I can't like this. I've yet to talk to my parents about what's to happen in the coven, but I'm sure it's going to take a while before I'm allowed back in The Capital. The Council has already made their decision, too."

Jaemin thinks to himself a for a quiet moment before finally nodding. "Okay."

"I'm sorry, Jaemin," he says, offering a sheepish smile. "You've been doing so much for me lately. I don't know how I'll ever repay you, but I will somehow in the future. Apologize to Renjun and Sungchan for me too, please."

Jaemin returns his smile and pats him on the head. "Tell them yourself, Duckie. I'm sure they'll come to see you here soon enough."

"Maybe. Renjun's probably pissed at me. He had just come to see me about getting my shit together you know. He got really angry and warned me about dragging you into my mess. He really cares about you, Nana."

"I know," he says. "He cares about you too, though."

"Not as much as he cares for you. Had you gotten hurt somehow, he would likely kill me as we speak."

"Good thing I've trained to not get hurt no matter what."

They sit in silence after that, with Jaemin just offering him company and warmth. How strange it is that he's now at ease. Whether it's exhaustion from everything that's happened or simply the effects of being within magical borders, Donghyuck isn't quite sure.

All he's really sure of is that being back here is only right.

**Author's Note:**

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